“Maybe we can both share our experiences with each other one day. It helps to have someone else to talk to about what you went through, especially someone who isn’t personally involved. I learned that through my therapist. Coke, however, is not the answer.”
“Oh, I can stop at any time.” I wave my hand at him, trying to keep the moment as light as possible between us. “I can! I didn’t touch it all week at home.” My mind tries to remind me that there was that one time, but come on, one hit surely doesn’t count. If I was an addict, I would have needed a lot more than that.
“But you were comfortable, Jacinta. You weren’t doing anything that caused anxiety and fear, but the minute you have to go out in public again, you’re reaching for it. You need to join a group, and you need to see your therapist again.”
“I’ll make an appointment next week. Come on, we’ll miss the start of the match.” I’m done talking about this. I don’t have a problem. I will be fine. I survived the start of my life with my monstrous mother, the drama with Harlow’s stalker, and all that shit with my family and the kidnapping. I can beat a little baggie of white powder. He’s underestimating me, which I really don’t appreciate, but I don’t want to talk about this with him anymore. He’ll understand I’m telling the truth when he sees it.
I hear him sigh deeply behind me, but at least I know he’s following me out.
In the car, I start to pour myself a drink, but I stop. “Shit, I’m sorry. You should have said something earlier. I would have gotten rid of all the alcohol, and we wouldn’t have drunk in front of you.” I put the bottle and glass back down, but Riku shakes his head.
“It’s okay. I’ve got it under control. You having a drink won’t trigger me. If it did, following you around these last few weeks would have turned me into a stumbling drunk again.”
I feel the color drain from my face as it suddenly occurs to me what I’ve been putting him through. “Oh my god, Riku. How can you ever forgive me?”
He comes over to my side of the limo and puts his arm around me, pulling me into his side. A warmth rushes over me that has nothing to do with the coke in my system. The fact that he’s not outwardly rejecting me now that he knows is a huge relief, but, like I said, I can stop at any time, so he has nothing to worry about.
“Being an alcoholic is a me thing. It shouldn’t stop everyone around me from having fun. I have enough control over my situation that it doesn’t bother me anymore. Had I not been sober for three years, it might be a different thing.”
“Okay, well, make sure you tell me if it ever becomes a problem. Have you ever been to a polo match?” I ask him, changing the subject, and I feel him shake his head.
“Nope, I can’t say I have. I haven’t really been around horses at all.”
“Ha, don’t tell Dad that. He’ll have you up on one before you know it.”
“Josh said the same thing. I think he gave Simon a couple of riding lessons before I reassigned him, and he keeps trying to talk Doug and Clem into having lessons in the evenings.”
“Are you still okay living with them? I’m sure Dad wouldn’t mind if you moved into the house. God knows we have enough room.”
“No, I’m fine. There’s plenty of room over there, and none of us feel on top of each other. Doug and Clem go home most nights. They only stay out at the house if they have an early or late start, so most of the time it’s me and Josh. We’ve discovered a shared love of first-person shooter games and spend a lot of time using his console and talking smack to one another.”
I giggle at the picture that pops up in my mind—Riku and Josh in their underwear, controllers in hand, surrounded by empty coffee mugs and cheese ball wrappers. Somehow I don’t think that’s quite right.
“Sounds fun. Maybe you can hang out with me one night, and we can use our console. You can teach me to play. I never got a chance to when my brothers lived at home.”
“I’d love to. It’s a date,” he promises, and I have something to look forward to this week.
* * *
The smell of horse manure and grass is strong in my nose as I swat a fly away from my face. A roar goes up from the watching crowd. Ash just scored the winning goal for his team as the timer runs down to zero. Shouts and screams go on around me, and I plaster a smile on my face when Selena grabs my arm, drawing my attention.
“Oh, he is wonderful. You can just imagine what he’d be like in bed when you watch him on his horse. I bet that man has stamina.” She fans her face, and I can’t miss the question in her voice. One I have no idea about.
“Stop it, Selly. Jacinta doesn’t want to talk to you about her sex life. Leave her be,” Evie protests.
“Come on, let’s hit the bar while we wait for him,” Anna suggests, dragging Chase in the direction of the clubhouse. “He might be a while.”
“Oh, I’m sure he has a groom that does everything for him.” Selena watches Ash on the field like a wolf stalking her prey. I swear if I wasn’t around, she would be all over him. I’m pretty sure she’d love to be known as Lady Lavington. Well, she’s out of luck because for now, he’s all mine, even if it is mostly pretend. If I finally gave myself permission, I think I could make it all real, but there’s still something holding me back. I think it’s Alex and his prior relationship with Ash that makes me so uncertain.
The clubhouse of the polo team is a donated mansion. The grounds are the former dwelling of a polo-obsessed Wall Street millionaire. When he died, he donated the grounds to the private polo team he established, meaning for it to be their home base. The afterparties are always off the hook and full of debauchery. Bedrooms can be rented out so that revelers don’t have to leave early or arrange transport, they can just stumble up the stairs.
The bar Anna and Chase drag us to overlooks the swimming pool lagoon in the backyard. It’s surrounded by seating with fire pits dotted here and there. The sun is setting, and those pits will be lit by the staff soon enough.
“We should grab one of the pits as home base for the night and have some pizzas from the restaurant brought out to us,” Anna suggests as Chase waves down a bartender.
“What is everyone having?” he asks when he gets to us.
Selena flutters her eyelids at him. “We’ll take two bottles of Dom and half a dozen glasses.”
