Every fibre of my being wants to reach for her. To pull her into my lap, tell her how sorry I am and that everything’s going to be okay. But I don’t.
Instead, I reach across the table and take one of her soft hands in my calloused one. “Daisy. Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
She closes her eyes, causing more tears to drip from her dark lashes. “Do you remember the night we had that really awful thunderstorm? I snuck into your bedroom and climbed into bed with you.”
I nod, recalling the exact night she’s talking about.
“Do you remember telling me that everyone is afraid of something?”
“Yes,” I whisper breathlessly, knowing exactly where she’s going with this.
“You told me that you were afraid you would end up like your parents. You told me that you want a wife, a family that you could prove your worth to. You wanted to be the parent that yours never were. And I couldn’t take that away from you.”
My emotional cup, that has been filling and filling from the moment this conversation started, finally overflows as my own tears roll a wet path down my face.
“I can no longer give you want you want in life, Killian. The ability to do that was torn away from me on our wedding day, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not being honest with you from the start. I should have told you, but I was selfish. Because I wasn’t ready to let you go yet. I should have filed for a divorce years ago. I shouldn’t have led you on when I came home. Fuck,” she chokes on a sob. “There are so many thing I should have done differently, and for that I’m so incredibly sorry.”
I should have filed for divorce years ago.
Divorce. Divorce. Divorce.
The word plays like a chant over and over in my head. That all-too familiar ringing sounds in my ears as my vision blurs.
She wants a divorce?
I open my mouth to speak. To tell her that she’s wrong. That I don’t need her to give me children to make me happy. That all I need is her. All I need is my wife. But the long, sharp claws of anxiety grip my throat, stealing the breath from my lungs and any coherent thought right along with it.
I’m not in control of my own body as I abruptly stand. I don’t stop the chair as it clatters to the floor behind me. I don’t register the tears streaming down Mrs Bennett’s face as I pass her in the hallway. I barely hear Daisy calling my name from the front door as I charge for my truck.
And it’s not until I pull into my driveway that I realise what the fuck I’ve just done and my resolve shattersinto a million tiny pieces.
CHAPTER 42
DAISY
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, and I fall back from the rest of the group, my steps slowing as I pull it out and read the text flashing across the screen.
Lainey: How are things going in your neck of the woods?
Me: I told him everything.
Lainey: Shit. How did that go?
Me: About as well as you’d expect. He walked out. I cried, got drunk and cried some more. Now I’ve got to spend the evening in the same room as him.
Lainey: Double shit. Why?
Me: Savannah had her baby, and they’ve invited everyone over to the ranch to meet him.
Lainey: Oh, Dais. Are you okay?
Me: I will be. I’m happy for them. Truly.
Lainey: Your strength amazes me. I don’t know that I’d be as strong as you are right now.
Me: I don’t have a choice. But I really wish you were here. I miss you.
Lainey: I miss you, too, honey. Call me when you get home.
