“Sara,” he says gently. “I know I’ve done something unforgivable. I knew it when I was doing it. I just prayed that you would understand when I could finally explain.”
I look down at my plate, starting on the pancakes so I don’t have to talk. Immediately, the creamy sweetness soothes me, hitting the back of my tongue and sending little waves of pleasure through me.
Don’t get distracted. This is how he got you before.
“Sara,” he says. “I’m sorry I said those things to you. But I had to.”
I swallow a mouthful of food, glaring at him in disbelief.
“I know how that sounds,” he says. “But there is something going on here, and—”
He breaks off suddenly, his eyes unfocused as he thinks.
“And?” I prod.
“And I want to explain it to you,” he says. “But I don’t know if I should.”
“Oh,” I say, looking down at my plate again. “I guess I know where I stand, then.”
“No,” he protests. “It isn’t like that. I promise—”
“Don’t promise me anything,” I chuckle harshly. “I literally cannot fucking handle it.”
Shawn goes quiet, looking down at his hands. I work on my pancakes, appreciating the gesture in spite of myself.
I want to believe his apology, but now he’s just basically admitted he’s hiding things from me. What is he hiding, and why can’t he trust me?
After we finish breakfast, Shawn immediately takes the plates.
“I’ll clean up,” he says. “We need to head out to the hall. My friends should be back in town today.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. They had to get back to their own packs right after the wedding, but they promised to come within a week with supplies for the town. My phone hasn’t had reception, so I haven’t been able to confirm.”
“Okay,” I answer. “I’ll get ready.”
I go back to the bedroom, thinking about the situation with some conflict. I want to believe that Shawn is a good guy,but so far, he really looks like a liar. A power-hungry mongrel just like Father.
And now his buddies are on their way here. Once he’s got backup, he can truly do whatever he wants.
I take care getting ready, wanting to present myself well for the other packs. While we walk up the path towards the front of the hall, I realize I feel more trapped right now than I ever have in my whole life.
Shawn being nice to me, playing with my feelings, is so much worse than Father and Melanie’s cruelty. As bad as it was back then, at least I always knew never to hope.
There is a small crowd gathered at the front of the hall, and I have to clear my head so I can play my part. It isn’t easy to hold on to Shawn’s arm, smiling and nodding as we greet the others, and I’m sure that someone is going to see straight through me.
More than once, I stumble, and Shawn has to catch me. He acts gentlemanly and gracious, and it confuses me so much, I want to scream at him.
I just want to fucking scream, full stop.
Along with the strange, disconnected feeling, there is a dull ache behind my eyes and a hazy glow around everything.
It’s the poor night’s sleep and my stress levels. I just need to rest when this all settles down.
When there is a flurry of voices at the end of the street, I realize the other packs have arrived already, and the effort of keeping myself together feels like lifting a thousand tons of steel.
I was hoping to rest before they came! Fuck!
