“Sara, I’m sorry—”
“Do you think sorry is going to cut it!” she tries to yell, but the words get caught on her tears, and the sight breaks my heart.
“Oh, God,” I gasp. “Please, please listen to me. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“How could you say those things to me?” she cries, tears pouring down her cheeks. “After what we shared, all the things we did—how?”
“Sara.” I step towards her, trying to hold her hand, but she jumps back from me. “I want to explain,” I say, suddenly full of conviction. “I want to tell you everything.”
She trusted me with her body; it’s time for me to trust her. I’m going to tell her everything. That I’m a secret agent, that I’m plotting against her dad—all of it!
“Tell me what?” she cries, fury chasing the sadness out of her voice. “Do you really think I’ll believe anything you say? You’re just like the rest of them! No, no, wait. I take that back. You’re nothing like them.”
“Sara?” I prod, tentatively hoping.
“Father is always cruel, always consistent. He’s never once gotten under my skin and made me believe he was kind, just so he can stick the knife in the next day!”
“Sara, please,” I say, reaching for her again. “That’s not what I did, I promise.”
“I’ve heard your promises, and I know what they’re worth!” she screams. “Fuck you, Shawn! I don’t have to listen to your lies!”
She turns and races down the hall, and I hear the door slam so hard, it sounds like it almost comes off its hinges. Beyond that, I can hear the heartbreaking sound of her crying.
Miserably, I take myself to the couch, my lies resting in my chest like a bucket of stones.
I can only hope that when the truth comes out, she’ll forgive me, and if she doesn’t…Maybe I don’t deserve her.
Chapter 16 - Sara
By the time I cry out every last tear in me, I’m so exhausted, I expect sleep to claim me immediately. Even though I do slip under, my dreams are so vivid, they keep waking me up and leaving me more tired than before.
After the fourth hard jolt back to wakefulness, I wonder if it’s worth staying in bed. Shawn’s words ring through my mind, and shame pulses in my heart as I think about what he took from me.
Sleep creeps up on me again, and I struggle through a dark, shadowy forest, caught in low branches and vines. When I look behind me to see what I’m running from, all I can see is a massive pair of glowing green eyes, just like Shawn’s.
Just as the beast tries to speak to me, I wake up with a jolt. I blink up at the ceiling, realizing that the room is light and it must be mid-morning.
Shit! I’m in for it now. What if Father is here?
I throw myself out of bed and stumble down the hall, listening intently. When all I can hear is silence, it doesn’t reassure me.
Father and Shawn could be waiting outside with his men, ready for a public punishment.
My chest is so tight that I can’t breathe as I enter the kitchen, but all I find is Shawn sitting quietly at the table, reading a book. The scene is so peaceful, it takes me a moment to understand it.
“Sara!” Shawn says, getting up. “You’re awake! I made pancakes and picked ripe berries. I’ve even gotten fresh cream from Mrs. Morrow to go with it.”
I want to make an angry remark, but disbelief makes my head swim, and it’s as if I can’t find my tongue.
“I picked some violets for you, too,” he says, gesturing to the vase. “Sit down, and I’ll get you some coffee.”
Angry words flash through my mind, and the pressure in my chest increases until it feels like I’m going to explode, but I still can’t say anything. Shawn puts a cup of coffee in front of me with a little jar of cream and a pot of sugar, and I stare at it suspiciously.
When he puts the food down in front of me, he immediately retreats, as if he’s afraid I might throw it at him. I consider that very seriously for a moment before I decide I’m actually too hungry to waste the food.
Shawn sits down across from me, and I take a sip of coffee, watching him. His green eyes are big and full of pain, and my old people-pleasing reflex almost gives in to it.
No. Fuck him. Let him suffer.
