“I’ve always been wise. It just took you a while to realize it.” Levi looks to our side to see Claire now standing, looking between us and the headstone. “Come on, southpaw. Let’s give your mom a second alone, yeah?”
Claire takes his outstretched hand without a second thought, glancing up at me briefly. She gives me a sad smile before following Levi about thirty feet away, near a cluster of trees. I turn back to the headstones and take a deep breath before sitting before them.
“I always wondered what people said in these situations,” I start to say, wringing my hands in my lap. “Talking to a slab of stone seems so odd, doesn’t it? But Blue told me to talk like I was having lunch with you to catch you up on life, so here it goes.
“Work has been going extremely well. No surprise there, right? Kirstin is expanding the business and opening a location in California and asked if I’d run it, but I declined. I can’t imagine not being her assistant anymore, and if I do end up moving, I don’t see myself and Claire in another big city.
“I met someone,” I say next, glancing over my shoulder for a heartbeat to see Claire and Levi playing rock paper scissors. “He reminds me a lot of you, dad. Charming, funny, and extremely driven. Claire is absolutely taken with him, too. I never expected to find someone like him, let alone fall for someone so quickly, but I guess the universe knew what I needed, when I needed it.
“Travis is in jail, and that’s a whole other can of worms I don’t really feel like getting into right now, but Claire and I are okay. Levi has been so supportive and understanding, and his protective streak is unmatched. I wish you could’ve met him. I know you would’ve loved him.
“Claire decided she wants to skip out on her summer ball league this year to go visit Levi’s family in Montana, so we’ll be heading there in a couple months. Neve, you and Stevie would’ve been best friends. I’ve never met someone more like you.
“This past year has been such a whirlwind, and I cannot even begin to explain the sadness that swallows me whole sometimes when I remember that you’re no longer here. I often find myself listening to old voicemails from the two of you or rereading old text messages just to feel like you’re here, even for a moment.
“I know you’re looking over me, and I know that you’re both guiding Claire through life as best as you can. We both miss you and love you dearly.”
I turn to my mother’s tombstone and gently rest a hand on top of it before leaning forward and pressing my lips to the cold surface. “I miss you, too, mom.”
Taking a deep breath, I slowly stand and make my way back over to Claire and Levi. He’s got his hand on her shoulder as he studies me upon approach, and she smiles up at me, reaching for my hand when I’m close enough.
“Can we go eat now?” She asks, glancing between me and Levi.
I chuckle and am about to respond when Levi looks down at her and says, “In a minute, Peanut. I need to go talk to your grandpa first.”
Raising a brow, I stare at him until he looks at me and winks, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before he walks over to their tombstones. Glancing back down at my daughter, she simply shrugs before dragging me back over to the car.
He takes a couple of minutes, and a lone tear slips down my cheek again when I see a cardinal perch on a headstone a couple of rows back. Levi turns and comes back to the car, wordlessly starting it up and driving us to our next destination.
Pulling up to Claire’s favorite park, I smile when I see it’s not just Blue waiting for us, but Cole and JJ and a few of the softball moms and Claire’s friends who are playing with Winston. She squeals from the backseat and shoves the door open, running towards them without closing the door.
Levi climbs out with a chuckle, closing her door for her as I round the car. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me over to our friends. JJ immediately wraps me in a hug, squeezing me tightly, and Blue smiles at me from over her shoulder.
“How are you doing, momma?” JJ asks as she pulls away from me. “I know it’s a tough day.”
I pull my black jean jacket a little tighter around me and shrug. “About how you’d expect, but also better than I thought I would be.”
“You know you can always lean on me if you ever need to,” she tells me, bumping her shoulder into mine. “My free time just got a little bigger.”
“What do you mean?” I glance at her and see her staring at Cole, and I raise a brow. “What happened?”
JJ shrugs. “He told me what happened that night and said how much it’s messed with him. Basically, he said he just needs to focus on himself right now and doesn’t want to drag me along.”
“That’s awfully mature of him,” I say, studying my friend.
“Just wish he would’ve come to that conclusion sooner.” She turns to me and forces a smile. “Who knows? Maybe one day we’ll try again.”
I see Blue’s face contort slightly at JJ’s words, but I don’t have time to question her about it when I spot Cole approaching. JJ squeezes my hand before walking over to the picnic table with Blue and Levi in tow. Wringing my hands together in front of me, I swallow the lump in my throat as he stops a couple feet away from me, fidgeting much like I am.
“I’m so sorry, Mar,” he whispers, his eyes turning glassy.
“Hey,” I say gently, reaching out a hand to rest on his bicep for a moment. “It wasn’t your fault, Cole. Try not to beat yourself up over it.”
A lone tear escapes and glides down his cheek. “I can’t help but wonder if I hadn’t been drinking that night, if I hadn’t been involved in the accident, if they would’ve survived.”
“Cole, those what ifs are going to drive you mad.” I drop my hand, giving him a sad smile. “I know it’ll take time, but I want you to know that I don’t blame you, and I’m not mad.”
“How could you not be?” he wonders, staring at me with a furrow between his brows. “I figured out months ago that it was your father and sister that died that night. I kept that from you and from Levi. How can you forgive me for that?”
