“Could you take her? I just—” I slowly trail off, looking back down at the ground before me.
“Say no more,” Blue states, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “You take your time. If you want her to stay with me tonight, just let me know. Otherwise, just call me when you’re ready for me to bring her home.”
I fully turn toward her, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist and resting my head on her chest. One of her arms goes around my shoulders while she strokes my hair with her other hand.
When we pull apart, I see Claire making her way over to us, her eyes slightly red and puffy and her black dress wrinkly. I kneel as she reaches us, rubbing my hands up and down her arms.
“Hey, baby,” I greet softly, giving her a small smile. “Blue is going to take you to get some lunch, and then you’re going to spend the day with her. Is that all right?”
“Yeah,” she answers simply, a furrow between her brows as she looks at me. “Are you okay?”
Tears spring to my eyes as I pull her forward, wrapping my arms around her. “I’ll be okay, honey. I just need a little time, that's all.”
Claire nods, so I stand, resting a hand on her shoulder as I look at my best friend. Blue says nothing as she reaches down, extending her hand in my daughter's direction. She wraps her smaller hand in Blue’s, following her back to RJ and JJ.
As they disappear into the parking lot, I look down one last time, fighting the onslaught of tears that threaten to slip down my cheeks. Sniffling softly, I turn on my heel and make a beeline for my car, knowing exactly where I need to go.
I siton the concrete ledge of the rooftop of the building I work in, my eyes closed as the wind whips through my dark blonde hair. The sun has begun to set, and the world below is transitioning from businessmen rushing to their next meeting to laughter as groups make their way to the bars.
My arms are growing red from the cold, the April air still carrying a familiar chill. Yet I refuse to grab the jacket that I left on the chair.
I have found myself at a crossroads. One that I know, depending on which path I take, will either make or break me. And I’m not ashamed to admit that the only thing keeping me from going down the path of destruction is my daughter.
Yet, as I watch the people below make their way into the nightlife, I can’t deny that itch that I desperately want to scratch. Just for one night.
I hear the metal door to the rooftop open, but I don’t turn around. Instead, I keep my eye on the sun falling slowly behind the buildings.How can something so beautiful exist when everything else is falling apart around me?
Someone clearing their throat behind me causes me to stiffen slightly, but I refuse to tear my gaze away from the skyline.
“Could you come down from there?” A masculine voice asks, a slight quiver slipping through. “You’re making me anxious.”
“I’m fine,” I reply, not moving an inch. “I’m just admiring the view.”
I hear the scuff of the man’s feet as he shuffles closer, but he hasn’t stepped into my eye-line. “So, you’re not going to jump?”
A startled laugh leaves me, and to my surprise, for the first time in weeks, I can’t stop laughing. The man behind me chuckles too, albeit not as wholeheartedly as I am—or delusional, I suppose.
“No,” I say once I catch my breath. “I’m not going to jump.”
“Okay, good.” I finally catch a glimpse of him as he fully approaches the ledge. “Can I join you?”
I turn to look at the man and my breath catches in my throat. Those blue eyes, the brown hair, the clean beard… It's him.
The stranger from this very spot five years before.
He seems to recognize me just as I have him, his eyes growing wide. His lips part slightly as he reaches for me, but immediately thinks better of it. He shakes his head before a soft breath of air escapes his lips.
“It’s you,” he whispers, a softness entering his gaze that makes me swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”
I can’t stop myself from staring, unable to fully comprehend what is right in front of me—or maybe I don’t want to understand it. Too much is happening too fast. Travis, my father and sister, Claire, and now this?
It suddenly feels like I can’t breathe, my palms growing clammy as I shake my head. I hastily climb off the ledge, my black dress whipping in the breeze as I rush past him for the door.
“Wait!” He calls after me, trying to close the gap I have created between us. “Don’t go.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, tears springing to my eyes as I yank the door open. “I can’t do this.”
I slip back into the building and run down the flight of stairs before making a beeline for the elevator. As the door opens, Ihear footsteps rushing down the hallway. Stepping on, I push the button to close the doors and push myself into the back corner, praying they close before he reaches them.
