“I mean I’m going to Spain,” she told him.
“I thought you had decided to live at your parents’ house for the time being.” His heart raced madly. He had to find the right words to say—he couldn’t just let her leave the country. He had been mad even to let her leave his home. How could he have allowed things to fall apart like this between the two of them? How had everything gone so wrong so fast?
“I decided that I didn’t want to remain cooped up in my parents’ house,” she said. “I have the opportunity to see the world now, and that’s what I want to do with my time. I’m going to go to Spain, and in order to do that, I need to have access to all my things.”
“But—when are you coming back?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I may stay for quite a while. I don’t think there’s anything to draw me back here. I have no reason to return.”
“You can’t do this.”
“Of course I can, Levi.” She let out a sigh. “Things are not what we hoped. You know that. You and I don’t have therelationship either of us wished for. I don’t know how we ever lied to ourselves for as long as we did—how we ever believed this marriage could be anything worth holding onto. It’s for the best that we’re living apart, because we’ll both be able to live the lives we truly want now. And for me, that looks like traveling. Exploring. Seeing the world. I’m going to move on with my life, Levi. I’m sorry if that inconveniences you.”
“Inconveniences me? Is that what you think it does?”
“Aren’t you worried about your reputation? What people will say when they find your wife has gone off on her own? I assumed that was why you wanted to stop me.”
“You thought I wanted to stop you because I was worried about harm to my reputation?”
“Well, can you blame me?” she fired back. “You do everything out of concern for your reputation. If there’s one thing I’ve come to learn about you in our time together, Levi, it’s that your reputation is your priority, and I won’t be surprised by that fact again.”
“That’s not why I don’t want you going to Spain.”
“Why, then?”
He threw up his hands. “Because I want you to stay here!” he told her. “I want you to remain in London!”
“Why would I do such a thing? Do you really expect me to spend the rest of my life sitting around and waiting for things to happen to me? My sister reminded me that I have the power to make things happen for myself. I don’t have to wait for life to come to me. I have the ability to embrace it. And that’s what I intend to do.”
She tried to push past him and move toward the wardrobe.
Without even thinking about what he was doing, he reached out and caught her by the shoulder, stopping her from moving any further in that direction.
Caroline glared up at him. “Take your hands off of me.”
“You owe me a conversation, Caroline.” He kept his voice as steady as he could. He didn’t want her to perceive how desperate he felt. “You can do that much for me.”
“We’ve talked more than enough,” she countered.
“No, we haven’t. In spite of all of this, youaremy wife, and you cannot simply leave the country without talking to me about it.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you going to try to force me to stay? You can’t really want to do that to me, Levi. You can’t want to force my hand like that.”
“I’m not trying to force you. I’m—I’m asking you to stay.” He took a deep breath. “I’m begging you to stay.”
Her gaze searched his. “Why?” she whispered.
“Because I love you.”
It was as if all the tension left his body the moment he spoke the words.
He hadn’t realized he had been holding that in for so long. He hadn’t realized that he had beenfeelingit for so long. But the moment he let it go, he wondered how he could ever have doubted it.
Of course, he loved her. It was apparent in the way he couldn’t think about anything else, the way thoughts of her kept him up at night. It was apparent in the way he felt himself grow warm every time she entered a room. The thought of her going to Spain, of not knowing when—or if—he might see her again—was unbearable. He couldn’t let it happen. He couldn’t lose her.
She stared at him. “You don’t love me,” she whispered.
“I do. I have for a long time. I didn’t realize it. I wish I had understood my feelings sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have pushed you away. And if it’s too late for me, I’ll have to accept that. But I couldn’t keep the truth from you now that I know, Caroline.”
