But there was no going back now.
All she could do was move forward. And for the time being, perhaps that meant Spain.
At least I might stand a chance of getting him off my mind.
But somehow, she doubted she would be able to do that.
CHAPTER 38
Levi sat in his study, a glass of scotch in his hand. He swirled it slowly, watching the way the liquid moved, allowing it to hold his full attention as much as possible. It was ineffective. His mind returned, again and again, to Caroline.
It was dreadful being back in the house without her. All he could think about was what it had been like when she was here, when this place had felt like a home. He hadn’t realized until she was gone just how much he had enjoyed her company. Even when they hadn’t been spending time together, there was something about having her in the house that had lit the place up from within. Something that had made being here more comfortable than it had ever been in the past.
And he hadn’t noticed it. In so many ways, that was the worst part of all—the fact that he hadn’t noticed the benefits her company brought to the house until she was gone. Why hadn’t he appreciated her when she was here? Why had it taken her absence to make him realize the gift her presence had been?
Maybe Gregory was right—maybe I should go look for her….
She wouldn’t come back, though. He felt sure of that. And he would not humble himself like that—wouldn’t beg her, no matter what. She had made her decision, and they would both live with the consequences, and that would be that.
He heard the sounds of footsteps overhead. Someone was striding around awfully heavily up there. He frowned—what was going on? The servants knew better than to be so disruptive, especially at this hour, when he liked to sit in quiet contemplation, when he preferred not to be disturbed by loud noises. All of his staff would know that. He shouldn’t have to tell them that they were out of line for acting like this, for causing a ruckus when he wanted peace.
He stepped out of his study. A footman was rushing by.
“Excuse me!” Levi called out commandingly. “What is going on up there? I can’t have all this noise when I’m trying to get work done.”
That was deceptive, of course—he hadn’t been working. But the point remained, and framing it this way would reinforce to his staff just how serious he was about the need for quiet.
The footman turned to face him. “Forgive me, Your Grace,” he said. “She told us we needed to be finished as quickly as possible, so everyone is in a bit of a hurry.”
“What are you talking about? Who told you that?”
“Well, the duchess,” the footman stammered. “She said that we had to get the packing done quickly, that she didn’t wish to remain for long.”
“The duchess is here?”
“Was she not expected? I thought…I assumed you knew that she was in the house…”
Levi pushed past his footman and hurried toward the stairs. He raced up to the second floor and down the hall to the room that had belonged to Caroline while she had lived here. His heart was racing. He didn’t know what he was doing—why he was in such a rush or what he meant to do when he made it to her side. He only knew that he needed to get to her as quickly as he possibly could.
And there she was—standing in the middle of her room, wardrobe and trunk open, directing the packing of her remaining clothes. Everything that hadn’t been taken with her on the day she had left was now being packed away. She had come back for the rest of it.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
She turned to face him. “Don’t act as if I’m out of line,” she said, her voice cool. “These things belong to me; I’m taking nothing of yours. Unless you want to keep my dresses, that is?”
“Don’t be so ridiculous. I’m not trying to stop you taking your things. But what are you doing back here so quickly?” Was it possible she had missed him—that she had returned in hopes of seeing him again? But no, it couldn’t be that. If that had been the case, why would she have come straight to her room without stopping to do so much as speak to him? He had the distinct sense that if she could have gotten away with it, she’d have been more than happy to come and go without speaking to him at all.
“I could have sent these things over to you,” he told her. “Or we could have made an arrangement for you to come and collect what you needed. And for that matter, I do think it makes some sense for you to leave some of your things here. I know you’re choosing to live at your parents’ home for the time being, but surely you don’t imagine that you will never be in this house again. What if you find yourself here and you have nothing to wear? You should leave a few things for those occasions.”
He was grasping at straws, and he knew it, but seeing her taking all her things away—it just felt sofinal. If she packed that trunk and took it from the house today, he couldn’t help feeling that he would never see her again, that she would have no reason to ever come back. He couldn’t bear that thought. Shehadto leave some of her things behind; she just had to.
She wasn’t looking at him. It was almost as if she couldn’t stand the thought of making eye contact with him. “I need my things, Levi.”
“You don’t need everything you own with you at all times.”
“I do. I do, because…because I’m going to be leaving the country,” she said quietly.
His stomach dropped. “What do you mean?”
