The trouble was that Levi seemed really to be enjoying himself with Prudence. Caroline liked that the two of them were getting along, but she had always wondered, deep down, if Levi considered what it would be like to be married to Prudence instead of to her. Maybe today was answering that question for him. Maybe he saw what fun a life with Prudence would have been.
She turned to leave the room, not certain she belonged here, even though this was her own husband and her own house. It was painful to wonder whether she was the outsider in her own home.
Prudence gave a charming smile. “I ought to go,” she said. “I should leave the two of you alone. And besides, Bridget and I are planning a picnic.”
“Did you want company on your picnic?” Levi asked. “I’m sure Caroline and I would be more than happy to join you if so.”
“No, I’m afraid this picnic is just for the two of us,” Prudence said with a bewitching smile. “You two stay here and enjoy all the books.”
She turned on the ball of her foot and practically danced out of the room.
“She’s something,” Levi said, watching her go.
Caroline wondered what he thought she was. “She’s always been a charmer,” she said. “Even when our family was poor, it seemed likely that Prudence would be the one of us to marry because she’s so outgoing and wins the heart of everyone she meets.”
“Yes, I can see how you would think so,” Levi murmured. “She is engaging. I’m grateful now that I’m having the chance to get to know her a little bit better. I’m glad the fact that we didn’t marry hasn’t meant that we don’t get to be in one another’s lives at all.”
Caroline nodded, her heart sinking.
It wasn’t Prudence’s fault. Prudence wasn’t to blame for the fact that Caroline and Levi seemed to have such a difficult time getting comfortable with one another. Even now, when things had finally started to get good, every interaction felt loaded.
In Caroline’s fantasies, a marriage was a safe and easy place. She had a husband who would kiss her without thinking about it, who would take her in his arms and brush the hair back from her face, who would tell her she was beautiful. And she felt free to do the same to him. She put her hands on her husband’s shoulders when she found him reading in the library, or tousled his hair. She asked him how his day had been.
As much as she was growing to enjoy Levi, she had never felt that kind of freedom with him. Her sister seemed to have come by that feeling naturally, without even having to try.
It hurt her to realize that Levi had noticed the same thing. That he was so aware of the charms Prudence possessed. She couldn’t help wondering if Levi was comparing the two of them in his mind. She believed what he told her; he was glad she was the one he’d married. That moment had been so genuine, and she truly didn’t believe he’d lied about it. But she did wonder whether Levi wished she had more of her sister’s attributes.
Surely he did. Anybody would wish that. Her parents had always wanted her to be more like one of her sisters — either responsible like Arabella or gregarious like Prudence. She was the type they had never wanted. Nobody wanted a quiet, unassuming middle sister who brought nothing to any social interaction and needed to be cared for.
Levi would say that wasn’t true. Didn’t he always compliment her on her strength and her wit?
But that was before he had seen her side-by-side with Prudence. Maybe now his perspective has changed.
She cleared her throat. “What book was it that the two of you are looking at?”
“Oh, she came in here asking me to show her some of my favorites,” Levi said. “The truth is, I think she was just trying to get on my good side.”
“Did that work?”
“It did. Things could easily have been awkward between your sister and myself, given our past. But I don’t think they’re going to be. I enjoy her company.”
“I’m glad,” Caroline said. And it was the truth. Things would undoubtedly be worse for everyone involved if there were ongoing tension between Prudence and Levi. That would’ve been a bad thing for all of them.
She left the library and went up to the conservatory, hoping to escape her thoughts.
Once she had reached that room, she closed the door and bolted it behind her. She wanted to be alone. The idea of having any visitors right now was difficult to stomach. Even though a part of her longed for Levi to come up after her, to sense that something was wrong and try to put it to rights, she knew she needed some space from him. She went to the window instead and looked out over the grounds.
There were Prudence and Bridget. They had spread a blanket on the lawn and were unpacking a series of cheeses and breads for their picnic. Caroline wasn’t unhappy that she hadn’t been asked to join them. She understood what her sister had been doing. Prudence would have wanted to get herself and Bridget out of the house in hopes of giving Caroline some time alone with her husband. Prudence might be self-centered sometimes, but she could be remarkably thoughtful when it came to her sisters.Caroline had no doubt that she had seen the way their presence in the house was driving a wedge between their hosts.
Perhaps there was something to be gained by studying her sister. Maybe Caroline could learn something about how Prudence managed to be so confident and how she managed to win the affection of everyone around her. If Caroline could master those skills, she wouldn’t have to doubt herself so much when it came to her husband. She could move through her house with more confidence and capture and hold Levi’s attention.
Maybe the reason he held himself back from kissing her, even now that they were growing closer, was that he simply wasn’t interested in her in that way. Maybe he could never see her the way men saw Prudence.
Maybe no man ever could. Maybe Caroline’s family had always been right about her. She was fortunate to be married to a man who wanted to be married to her in return, but even now, wasn’t there something unusual about their marriage? They were fond of one another, but was this love?
She was pulled out of her thoughts by a knock at the door.
“Not now,” she called, wondering if Levi had come after all.
