"Victoria!" James' arms were around her, and she realized that her legs had given out beneath her. He guided her to a pew and helped her to sit. "Are you all right?" he asked her.
"I don't know," she admitted, feeling breathless and anxious.
"Of course you're not," he said. "My goodness, how could you be? You're in shock, and it's completely understandable. But you're safe now. I hope you know that. He's gone."
"I just…I can't quite believe this. He seemed so kind." She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. "I am a terrible judge of character."
"Well, I could have told you that." He smiled at her warmly, and that smile was so welcome and relieving that she felt as if she might melt. "I could have told you that from the moment I realized you had judgedmefavorably."
"No," Victoria corrected him. "I did judge you wrongly, but it was my early judgment of you that was mistaken, not my final one. I was wrong about you when I thought you were nothing more than a selfish man who cared not at all for anyone other than yourself. Now I see that that couldn't have been further from the truth. James, you encouraged me to marry Lord Harbury?—"
"The biggest mistake I could have made!"
"Perhaps, but you did it out of compassion. You did it because you wanted me to have a good match, even if…even if it meant letting me go yourself."
He gazed into her eyes. "My strength has failed me, I'm afraid," he told her. "I won't be able to send you away again. It hurt too much the first time."
"You needn't worry about that," she assured him with a smile. "I wouldn't leave you even if you did."
CHAPTER 38
"Ithink we should have some tea," James said as they climbed down from the carriage, having returned to Stormwell from the church. "I think that might be the best thing to help settle your nerves."
"My nerves are fine," Victoria protested.
"You nearly fainted back at the church," James said firmly. "I insist that you have tea with me before going off to be on your own. I'm sure you'd like some space, but I won't rest easily until I know you're all right."
It was true, but it was only half of the truth. The other half was that he was afraid to let her out of his sight because he didn't know what would happen when he did. She had told him at the church that nothing would compel her to leave his side again, but then she had been quiet the whole way home, and he wasn't sure whether or not she had truly meant it. Maybe she was having second thoughts about what she had said.
He led her into the sitting room. His heart seemed to be going a mile a minute. This was, he realized, the most important afternoon of his life, and one that might well shape every day that was to follow. He needed to make sure that he handled everything just perfectly. If he didn't—if he made a mistake and allowed her to slip away again—he would regret it as long as he lived.
"Have some tea brought in, please," he said to one of the maids, and she nodded without a word and turned to do as she was told. James helped Victoria to a seat, grateful for the fact that she hadn't shrugged him off—that she was allowing herself to be assisted. He worried that she might faint again, but he was also enjoying the opportunity to have his hands on her shoulders, to reassure himself that she hadn't slipped away from him after all.
"I can't believe he was a murderer," Victoria murmured as she sank into a seat.
"I don't think he was going to doyouany harm," James said. "I'm not sure if that's helpful to know or not."
"What makes you think that?"
"He didn't want to marry you out of a desire to kill you. He was trying to keep from being linked to the death of the late duke. He knew that if he married you, I would stop looking at the affairs of the past and turn my attention to the present. And that would enable him to shake off his crimes, secure in the knowledge that no one was trying to find out what had happened—and thus, no one ever would find out."
"That explains why he never tried to marry me before," Victoria said. "It didn't matter until you came back to town."
"Exactly," James agreed. "But he could conceal that fact by telling us that he was waiting until you seemed ready for a marriage—that he simply hadn't wanted to bother you until you signified that you were prepared in your own time."
"I'm such a fool. I can't believe I fell for this."
"You're not a fool at all. I'm the one who's a fool," James sighed. "You didn't want to marry him, Victoria. If I had listened to your instincts, you would never have been in that church. This is entirely my fault."
"It did shock me when you were so adamant that I accept his proposal," Victoria admitted. "And it hurt my feelings as well. It seemed as if you were only trying to get rid of me."
"To tell you the truth, I was trying to get rid of you."
"You were?" Victoria's eyes widened. "You want me gone?"
"I don't want that at all. The problem was that I fell in love with you."
She met his eyes. "Does that have to be a problem?"
