“It’s my job to know you well,” Wallace said. “But the truth is, you know yourself better than anybody else. You know what youfeel. You know what’s right for you. So if what I’m saying right now sounds true, I suggest you listen to your heart.”
Seth sighed. “You make it sound very easy.”
“On the contrary. Love isn’t easy. But it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve found in this life. I hope you find the clarity you need to do what’s right for you. The worst fate I can imagine is failing to take hold of true love when it’s right in front of you. If you’ve found someone who makes you feel something, Your Grace, I think you have to act.”
“Thank you,” Seth said.
“I hope I haven’t overstepped.”
“You haven’t,” Seth assured him. “I asked. And I want you to feel free to speak openly to me when I ask you questions, Wallace. I have enough people on my staff who will tell me what they believe I want to hear. From you, I count on hearing the truth.”
“Yes, Your Grace. Would you like me to go and get your dinner now?”
“Please. And tell the dowager duchess, if she asks after me, that I won’t be coming down.”
Wallace nodded. “If she presses the matter?”
“I’ll join her for breakfast tomorrow. I need tonight to sort through my thoughts, and she’ll simply have to accept that.”
“Of course.” Wallace bowed and retreated from the room.
Seth sighed as the door closed. Every time he believed he had made a decision about this, things seemed to change. His mind wouldn’t rest.
What if he was only resisting his feelings about Lady Lavinia because of the example his parents had set—and what if that wasn’t a good enough reason?
Was Wallace right? Was he about to throw away something wonderful because he couldn’t overcome his fears about the past?
He hated to think it, and yet it was hard to dismiss the idea. Allan had said more or less the same thing, and every time he thought of Lady Lavinia, it was with a longing that had become difficult to ignore.
I do love her. It was the first time he had permitted himself to think the words.I love her.
But even if he did—how could he possibly hope to overcome the past?
CHAPTER 34
“Sit up straight, Seth.”
“You’re not going to lecture me, Mother. Not on propriety, not on marriage—not on anything. If you even attempt it, this will be the last meal you and I take together for a very long time.
His mother’s jaw dropped. “I don’t know when you turned into this angry person.”
“You don’t? Truly? Why don’t you take a good look at yourself, Mother? Perhaps that will give you a clue as to where my anger is coming from.”
“Seth, whatever is the matter with you, don’t take it out on me. I’ve done nothing to you.”
“I’m not going to permit you to pretend that’s true any longer,” Seth said. “Everything that’s wrong is because of you. It allgoes back to you, Mother—the way you and Father conducted yourselves in my youth. You’ve pressed me again and again for a conversation about why I choose not to marry—very well, we’ll have that conversation.
“I don’t think you’re going to enjoy it very much, but I’m tired of dodging you and imploring you to mind your own affairs. We’ll have the conversation you so badly want to have.”
“Don’t blame me for your lack of social skills,” his mother said.
“On the contrary, I have plenty of social skills.” He knew that to be true, if nothing else, by the way he had so successfully prepared Lady Lavinia for her own future. “I know exactly how to conduct myself among society. It’s you who has conducted yourself badly—remarkably so.”
“Say what you mean, then.”
“You must know without my having to explain it,” Seth said. “But all right, if you insist—I’m talking about the affairs. I’m talking about your lovers, and Father’s.”
His mother was momentarily silent. Seth was satisfied. They never spoke about this aspect of his childhood—about his parents’ lovers, constantly seen walking around the estate. It was an unspoken rule. Now Seth was breaking that rule, and he liked the fact that his mother was unprepared for it. He liked seeing her not knowing quite what to do.
