“You’ve seemed distressed since returning home from Harbeck Manor. I know your mother is worried about you.”
“Please tell me that she didn’t instruct you to ask me these questions.”
“She did, actually,” Wallace nodded. “But that’s not why I’m doing it, Your Grace. I think you know that my priority is to answer to you, not to your mother. I’m asking you because I thought it might be helpful for you to discuss it—nothing more.”
Seth sighed. The truth was that Wallace might have been the only person he would have felt safe to discuss this with at all, and he knew that if he didn’t get his thoughts out, he might soon be driven mad by them. “I’m beginning to doubt myself, Wallace,” he said.
“What do you mean, Your Grace?”
“I’ve always been so sure that marriage was the wrong path for me, and now I feel as if I no longer know,” he confessed. “I find myself wondering if perhaps I’ve always been too stubborn about it.”
“I never thought I would hear you say that,” Wallace said. “You’ve always been quite certain about the fact that you didn’t wish to marry.”
“I know. It’s thanks to the example my mother and father set for me that I didn’t feel I could face the idea. I thought all marriages must surely be unhappy ones. Now I don’t know anymore.
“My parents were unhappy, it’s true, but I’m beginning to think that it isn’t always the way. They never loved each other. I know that. What if they had? What if they had each been free to marry someone they loved instead of feeling stuck with one another? What might have been different for them—for all of us?”
“I don’t know,” Wallace admitted. “I do know that your parents were unhappy, Your Grace. The whole household could see that.”
“But you’re married,” Seth said.
“I am,” Wallace agreed cautiously.
“Will you answer a personal question if I ask?”
“Your Grace, you don’t need permission to ask me anything.”
“Still, I don’t want to be invasive.”
“I’ll answer any question you ask me,” Wallace said. “I’m sure you know that by now.”
Seth nodded. “Is your marriage a happy one?”
“Very happy, Your Grace.”
“You love your wife?”
“More than anything.”
“Have you ever regretted marrying?”
“Never.”
“You say that so readily. As if you don’t even have to think about it.”
“I don’t,” Wallace said. “My wife is the best thing in my life, and she’s brought me no end of happiness. I would do anything for her. I’m so grateful to have her. She means the world to me.”
“And yet, I suppose itisdifferent for a servant,” Seth said. “You were never pressured to marry to produce an heir.”
“No, I wasn’t,” Wallace agreed. “You’re correct, Your Grace—it is different. And yet, in many ways I’m sure it’s the same. You and I have different roles to fulfill in society, but we are both men, both capable of being charmed and falling in love with women.
“If someone has caught your eye, I would say that’s only to be expected. Perhaps you’ve been so worried about the idea of resisting the path that was laid out for you that you can’t give in to what your heart truly desires now, even though it’s what you’d choose if you were being honest with yourself.”
“Do you think so?” Seth looked up at his valet.
“I couldn’t say, Your Grace. Only you can answer that for sure.”
“Wallace, sometimes I believe you know me better than anyone.”
