“I’ve rarely been ignored,” Lavinia agreed. “People pay more attention to me than I would like most of the time, but they don’t ignore me.”
“Because you stand out,” the duke said.
“But not usually in a good way.”
“That’s changed,” he said. “It used to be true that you stuck out from the crowd because you were odd and nobody knew what to make of you, but things are different now. People are starting to see the best in you, and to admire you for it. And this proposal is proof of that.”
“But I don’t know how to appreciate it,” Lavinia said. She felt as if she was on a boat in the middle of the ocean, unable to settle. “Why can’t I just fall in love with him? It would make everything so simple. It would solve all of my problems.
“I was so afraid my father was going to shackle me to a gentleman I didn’t like at all, but that’s not what’s happened. I do like him. I’m happy to call him a friend, and if this proposal didn’t mean the end of my dreams of finding love, I would be happy about it.”
“You seem so sure that love exists,” the duke said. “What if it doesn’t?”
“What if love doesn’t exist?” She shook her head. “I can’t believe that, Your Grace. That can’t be true.”
“Why can’t it be true?”
“Because I’ve felt it,” she whispered, looking him in the eye.
She was afraid he would look away, but he didn’t. He held eye contact with her instead.
“You’re so sure that what you’ve felt is love,” he marveled.
She didn’t answer. He hadn’t asked a question. And if she had answered, she would have had to tell him that yes, shewassure. She knew what this feeling was.
“There’s only one thing I can say to you,” the duke said. “Only one more instruction I can give you that will help you to eventually learn to love your husband.”
“What is it?”
“Promise me that you’ll do it,” he said.
That made her feel uneasy, but she nodded. “I’ll do whatever I have to do in order to fall in love with the gentleman I’m supposed to be with. All I want is a real love story.”
“You’ve got to walk away from me,” he said. “That’s the answer. You’ve got to turn around, walk away, and content yourself with never speaking to me or seeing me again.”
A shiver passed through Lavinia.
“Why?” she breathed. How could that be the solution she was looking for? What good was it going to do her?
And for that matter, why did it sound so impossible when he named it?
“Look at yourself,” he said. “Look at your hands, Lady Lavinia.”
She looked down at her hands.
“They’re trembling,” he pointed out.
“I’m nervous.”
“I know that. You’re always nervous around me. Every time we’re together, you’re like this. And I’ve watched you with him?—”
“You’ve watched me with him?” She looked up at him.
“Don’t look at me like that. That’s a part of your problem. You keep looking at me like that, and I see the expression in your eyes. The look on your face. I know what you’re feeling, Lady Lavinia.”
“You feel it too, don’t you?”
“That doesn’t matter. Talking about things like that is not going to help you. You’re never going to be able to feel this for Lord Hennington as long as you indulge fantasies about someone else.”
