She took a deep breath, evidently in an attempt to steady herself, and went on. “I don’t know how to overcome the fact that, when I look at him, I feel nothing,” she said. “He’s a very good man. There’s no reason for me to be like this. I should be happy that someone like Lord Hennington wants to marry me. I should be grateful. But I feel nothing at all.”
“And you feel as if that’s my responsibility?”
“You never taught me what to do when a gentleman wanted me.”
“That’s all I taught you!”
“No. That isn’t what I mean. What I mean is that you didn’t explain how I should focus my attention on him. I can’t seem to picture a life with Lord Hennington. I can’t convince myself to get excited about the prospect. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said. “I look at him, and I feel nothing at all.”
Seth felt hollow. He had suspected this. He had seen the way she was around Lord Hennington, and if he was perfectly honest, he had known the two of them weren’t right for one another. But he’d never thought Lord Hennington would ask to marry her. He had never thought this would all become so serious so quickly.
She was looking at him with desperation, and he could see that her question was a sincere one. She really hoped that he would be able to help—that he would give her some magic answer to the problem she now faced. She wanted him to tell her how to force herself to fall in love with Lord Hennington.
Seth knew that no such answer existed. Love would grow or it wouldn’t. He personally tended to believe that such things were more likely to fade than they were to grow. If you didn’t feel passionately toward one another at the very start, what hope was there for things to improve further down the line? She seemed to be facing an impossible situation.
And he wondered—if he had believed there was an answer, a way to make the love she was looking for a reality—would he have given it to her?
Would he really have crossed this final bridge and helped her to fall in love with Lord Hennington?
He wanted to say that he would have done that for her, just as he had done everything else he had believed she’d needed so far, but the truth was that he didn’t know. This time, he wasn’t sure. Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to bring himself to help her fall in love with another man if he’d had the secret.
He had to get out of her life. She deserved to be free of someone as selfish as him.
And yet, for all that, he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.
Her eyes filled with tears. “I’ve done everything,” she said softly. “I’ve done everything you suggested. Everything you told me I needed to do. I have worn the right colors, behaved the way I was supposed to, moved with confidence, spoken to people I might otherwise have avoided. I have done everything right.”
“And it’s paid off,” he told her. “You’ve already received a proposal from a wonderful gentleman.” He tried to keep his voice gentle. He didn’t want her to be able to hear all the painful things he was feeling. She shouldn’t have to suffer through his mental anguish.
“But it isn’t supposed to be like this,” she whispered. “I was supposed to get to fall in love. Love, like what you read about. Like what?—”
She trailed off, looking into his eyes, and Seth wondered what it was she wasn’t saying. It was obvious that there was something she didn’t want to mention to him, but he couldn’t fathom what it might be.
She cleared her throat. “Like what other ladies feel when they look at the gentlemen they admire,” she said. “I know what it feels like. I’ve—I’ve heard about it.”
She had stammered over her words again, and Seth felt quite certain thatI’ve heard about itwas not what she had originally intended to say.
“Why can’t I feel those things with the gentleman I’m to marry?” Lady Lavinia demanded.
“My heart doesn’t flutter. My head doesn’t spin. I don’t feel anxious or excited for the next time I’m going to be around him. I feel nothing at all, and it isn’t right or fair in the least. You were supposed to prepare me for marriage, Your Grace. You were supposed to make sure I was ready. But you did something wrong. You missed a step. I look at Lord Hennington and I feel nothing at all.”
She looked at him with expectation in her eyes, and Seth felt utterly at a loss as to what he ought to say.
CHAPTER 30
The duke regarded Lavinia quietly for a long time—so long, in fact, that Lavinia began to regret having come out here to speak to him at all. Maybe it had been a mistake. It felt so uncomfortable to be standing here waiting for his answer. It felt as if she had been unpleasantly vulnerable with him, and she didn’t know what to do.
“Maybe I should go,” she mumbled.
He stared at her. “Maybe you should go? You came out here and made all those demands of me, and now you’re just going to walk away?”
“You’re not answering me,” she pointed out.
“You know,” he said, “I still think you think of yourself as a very timid person, Lady Lavinia. I still think you think you’re shy and retiring and that the only way you’ll gain the attention of agentleman is if he notices you and approaches you. It isn’t so. Youdemandattention when you want it.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Not in your case it isn’t—though I’m sure a man like your father would tell you that it was. It’s something I’ve always found very interesting about you. You compel people to look at you, to give you their attention. Even when you aren’t making that demand with your words, you make sure everyone knows that to ignore you would be a mistake.”
