“I suppose…I suppose I must do it when I’m nervous. That’s when I have the most trouble sitting still. That’s also when I find myself talking more than I should. It all comes from feeling nervous. And that’s why your advice to be confident has helped me so much. Of course, I can’t just decide to be more confident, but you’re right that it’s the thing I lack. It’s the thing I have to try to correct if I’m going to be more charming to the gentlemen of theton.”
“You fidget when you’re nervous,” he repeated. “Are you nervous now?”
“What?”
“Am I making you nervous? You fidget when you’re around me.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, yes, actually. I suspect you would make anybody nervous, Your Grace.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re so commanding. You can be a very intimidating presence. I would have thought that would be something you’d know about yourself.”
“Well, I’m surprised you said it,” he confessed. “Most people wouldn’t speak to me that directly.”
“Most people are trying to impress you,” she said candidly.
“And you aren’t trying to impress me?”
“Not in the same way. I’m trying to show you that I’ve learned the lessons I know you want to teach me, but I’m not trying to win your favor in the way other ladies do.”
Seth nodded, wondering why it bothered him to hear her say that. After all, it was only the truth. It would have been a problem if she had believed she was trying to win his favor. As it was, he should be relieved. At least there was one person who understood that, no matter how much attention he might pay her, it didn’t mean anything that ought to be taken seriously.
“So,” she said, “our next lesson?”
He knew what he should say. He should tell her that she didn’t require any further lessons, and that she was ready to face things on her own. Or perhaps he should tell her that he simply didn’t have any more time to devote to her—that she had already taken enough from him.
He ought to say those things, but he found he couldn’t do it.
“There’s a ball coming,” he said. “The night after tomorrow. You ought to prepare yourself for that. You’ll need to practice dancing.”
“I know how to dance,” she said. “I’m not half bad at it.”
“Oh, really?”
“My sister and I used to practice together when we were young,” she explained. “My father provided her with a governess, but he never provided either of us with dance lessons. I don’t know if he was simply too tightfisted to spend the money, or if perhaps it never occurred to him that that was something a young lady might need—but whatever the reason, we knew that it would fall to us to teach ourselves what to do. We spent hours practicing. We took turns pretending to be the gentleman.” She giggled and blushed a little.
“You’re doing it again,” Seth said.
“I’m doing what?”
“Talking too much.”
“Oh,” she said.
The truth was that he hadn’t minded at all. In fact, he thought the story was funny. But he found himself imagining her telling that story to someone else and found that he didn’t like it very much. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and he was uncomfortably aware that the feeling he was experiencing was something like jealousy.
He couldn’t bejealous. That went against the spirit of everything they were trying to do. He wanted her to find happiness with someone else. He wanted her to tell humorous stories that would charm people like Lord Hennington.
He forced himself to focus, instead, on what she had said about her dance skills. “I’m afraid if your knowledge of dance comes from practicing with your sister, we can’t be sure if you have any skill or not,” he said. “What seemed good to you dancing in your bedroom as a child might actually be laughable. No, we must have a practice lesson to ensure that you don’t make a fool of yourself.”
“If you think that’s important, I’m grateful for your help,” Lady Lavinia said. “Will we meet at the same time and place?”
“Yes,” Seth said. “Tonight.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Try to be on time, for once,” Seth said.
