“I didn’t feel as if I needed to bring it up,” Edwina said. “Father reserves all his pressure and criticism for you. But I think I feel the same way you do. I don’t think I would like to marry someone who doesn’t matter at all to me. I think I would rather remain a spinster. Grow old alone.”
“Matthew thinks I would have regrets if I were to choose that life.”
“Matthew can’t possibly see the future. He doesn’t know what you would regret.” Edwina sighed. “He’s our brother. He wants to take care of us. I understand that, and it’s something I appreciate about him, but at the same time, he needs to learn when to step back.
“He needs to understand that sometimes you and I know more about what we want and need than he does. If you don’t want to be forced into a loveless marriage, that’s understandable. I’m not even sure he wouldn’t say the same thing, if he was at risk of having his hand forced on the matter.”
Lavinia smiled. “I should speak to you about this more often,” she told her sister. “You always seem to know what to say to make me feel better.”
“Are you going to speak to the duke now?” Edwina asked. “I’ll come with you, if you’d like me to.”
“That would be helpful,” Lavinia admitted. “I don’t relish the idea of facing him again after our confrontation—but I know what he would say to me about that.”
“What would he say?”
“That I ought to be bold. That gentlemen will like me better if I show that I’m not too timid,” Lavinia said. “I think a part of myproblem is simply that I’ve always felt shy. I’ve always been a bit of a wallflower, and that makes it difficult for me to socialize with gentlemen because I’ve never gotten any practice at it.”
“I think that’s right,” Edwina said. “You have a lovely personality, and you’re very enjoyable to talk to. But I’ve seen what happens when you get nervous in a conversation. You stumble over your words. You say odd things. And then gentlemen don’t respond well to you, and it makes it that much more difficult for you to try again the next time.”
Lavinia smiled at her sister. “Now, if the duke had said it likethat, I might have found it easier to hear.”
“But you believe that was what he meant when he spoke to you?”
“Yes, I think it was. And even if it wasn’t…I do need his help. He’s not a gentle sort of man, but hedoesgenuinely want to help me—if only for his own selfish reasons. I think I allowed it to bother me that his reasons were selfish, but I shouldn’t let that get to me because, at the end of the day, help is help, no matter what his motives for giving it may be.”
“He’s right over there,” Edwina said. “Shall we go and speak to him now?”
Lavinia turned in the direction her sister was pointing and saw the duke. He was on his own, not in conversation with anyone else, staring out the window that overlooked the garden, and she knew that it was an ideal time to speak to him.
She took a deep breath and walked over. Edwina followed a few paces behind her, and Lavinia was grateful for her sister’s steadying presence. This would have been more difficult to face on her own.
“Pardon me, Your Grace.”
The duke turned to face her. His eyebrows lifted slightly at the sight of her. “Lady Lavinia,” he said. “I didn’t expect to speak to you today.”
“I believe I owe you an apology,” she said, feeling her face grow warm. She had thought she was ready for this conversation, but now, looking at him, she suddenly felt shy and off-balance.
“You owe me an apology?”
“Because of…the last time you and I spoke.” She knew she shouldn’t say out loud that their last interaction had taken place in the library late at night. They might be overheard, and it would cause all sorts of problems if the details of that clandestine meeting became widely known. “I wanted to tell you that I know I shouldn’t have become as angry as I did. I certainly shouldn’t have walked away from you in the way I did.”
“No,” the duke agreed. “You shouldn’t have.”
It struck her deeply. She knew she needed to stay where she was, that she needed to remain humble and hear what he had to say if she was to have any chance at convincing him to help her again.But a part of her wanted to walk away right then and there. Couldn’t he even accept an apology? Was that too much to ask for?
He sighed. “The truth is, I’m the one who should apologize,” he said in a grudging tone.
That was completely unexpected. Lavinia found herself tugging at the bodice of her gown before she remembered his admonition that she shouldn’t do that—that it betrayed her anxiety. “What do you mean?” she asked, letting her hands fall to her sides.
“I mean that you were right,” the duke said. “When we met, I asked you to be vulnerable. I asked you to expose your weaknesses, and you did so readily. I could have been kinder in the way I dealt with you. I wanted to be of help to you, and I wasn’t worried about your feelings.”
And Lavinia realized—he was fidgeting too.
Not as much as she had. Most people would probably never have noticed the way he had shifted his weight from one foot to the other and scratched behind his ear briefly. But he had said it himself—fidgeting was a sign that you were nervous.
Was the duke nervous?
Hadshemade him feel that way? Even in a small way?
