She thought back over the conversation they’d had in the library. What was it, really, that had offended her so badly? He was right that all he had really done was agree with the things she had said herself. She had commented on the fact that no one foundher desirable after having spent time in her company. Had she expected him to pretend it wasn’t true?
The only thing she could think, the only thing that made sense of it, was that she had genuinely allowed herself to believe that he saw her differently than other people did. After all, he had consistently pointed out that he found her to have potential. He was right that she shouldn’t have expected anything, and yet she found that shehadexpected that he would tell her that everyone else was wrong about her. That he saw something they didn’t.
He had never seen anything others didn’t see. All he had ever seen in her was a problem that he thought he could fix. And it wasn’t even that Lavinia felt that he was wrong about that—it was just that she didn’t want to spend time in the company of someone who saw her that way. If she wanted to think of herself as flawed and needing to be fixed, she could get that from her father.
At least he wasn’t with them today. “How did you persuade Father to let us have the morning to ourselves?” she asked Matthew.
“Oh, I told him I’d try to convince you to get serious about the need to marry and settle down,” Matthew said. “Whichissomething I think you need to take more seriously, by the way. If you had focused on it last season the way you should have, you wouldn’t be in the predicament you’re in now.”
Lavinia sighed. “You know I tried,” she told her brother. “I gave it my best effort. I can’t control everything. I’m just an awkwardperson. I’m starting to think that’s something that can’t be fixed. For a time I believed it was something the right gentleman might overlook but, if so, I didn’t find the right gentleman. That isn’t my fault.”
“You should have asked Father to help you if you were having trouble finding someone.”
“Well, that would have only put me exactly where I am right now one year sooner,” Lavinia pointed out. “Father is intent on marrying me to some friend of his—someone I don’t even know. He hasn’t even given me a name.”
Matthew nodded. “I know,” he said. “Father and I have talked about it.”
They walked in silence for a few moments, watching Edwina as she ran on ahead. Lavinia smiled to see her sister looking so youthful and carefree. She hoped Edwina would be able to remain that way for a very long time.
Matthew cleared his throat. “I think you need to do what Father wants you to do,” he told her. “I think you need to prioritize a marriage to this gentleman he’s chosen for you. You should ask him to go ahead and make the introductions.”
“If Father wanted to introduce me to this man, he would have done so already,” Lavinia said. “He isn’t waiting because I haven’t requested an introduction.”
“I don’t know if you’re correct about that,” Matthew objected. “After all, he told you that you could have this house party as a final opportunity to find a match for yourself. I think he’s determined to honor that promise, if only so that you can’t say later that he broke his word to you.
“Of course it’s his intention that you’ll marry the person he’s chosen for you, but he wants to make sure you don’t complain about it. He wants to make sure you can’t tell him he didn’t give you enough opportunity to find your own marriage.”
“But you don’t think Iwillfind my own marriage,” Lavinia said.
“I think you could, given enough time,” Matthew said. “I also think you’ve had quite a lot of time to make the attempt now. You know I love you, Lavinia, but I think if you were going to succeed at this, you would have done it.
“It’s time now for you to accept the fact that Father wants to help you. It’s time for you to go to him, tell him you’re resigned to the fact that this isn’t a dilemma you’re going to solve on your own, and that you’re ready for him to step in.”
“I thought you understood,” Lavinia said, looking up at her brother. “I thought you knew that I only wanted to marry for love.”
“I do know that,” Matthew said. “But I think you’ve allowed that idea to become too important to you, Lavinia. The most important thing is that you find a husband—it doesn’t matter so much what the connection between the two of you is built on.
“Marriages succeed for all kinds of reasons, and you mustn’t allow this romantic idea about falling in love to prevent you from finding a husband at all. I fear that is what you’ve done so far. You’re not allowing yourself to consider perfectly reasonable options simply because you don’t feel the sort of love you think you ought to.”
“I want to experience that,” Lavinia said. “I want to fall in love, Matthew. I don’t think that’s such an unreasonable thing to wish for.”
“Maybe it isn’t,” Matthew said. “But there’s a difference between wishing for something and allowing your life to be destroyed by the hope of it. If an opportunity for marriage never comes along again, what then? What if you grow old having never found this love you dream of? Won’t you wish, when that day comes, that you had tried to find a match while you had the freedom to do so?”
“I don’t know that I will,” Lavinia said truthfully. “What if I grow old in a loveless marriage? The idea of being unmarried is not one I relish, I grant you—but why would I want to be married to someone who doesn’t care for me? Just so I can say that I have a husband?”
“There’s more to it than that, and you know it,” Matthew said. “You know why it’s so important for you to marry. You know that you have a responsibility to make sure there’s someone to look after you. Father doesn’t want to do that forever. And besides, don’t you want to start a family someday? Have children?”
Lavinia hesitated. “I do want that,” she admitted.
“Well, then, I don’t see how you can even consider spending the rest of your life alone. Look, I know you have dreams of finding love, Lavinia, and maybe that will happen, but it doesn’t have to happen before your marriage is arranged, does it? Love can grow over time, and if Father says he has someone who is willing to marry you, I think that’s something you need to accept and be grateful for.”
“And so what would you have me do?”
“Go to him,” Matthew said. “Tell him you don’t need the rest of the time we’re going to be at this party to make up your mind about things. Tell him you’re ready to accept the future he’s chosen for you. You’re wasting time by pretending that things are going to happen any differently. You know this is what’s going to happen.
“No matter how hard you try, it’s not realistic to imagine that you might fall in love in the next eight days. If it was going to happen, it would have happened already. The best thing you can do now is to use the time at this party to get to know the gentleman father has chosen for you. It’s an opportunity, and you should take advantage of it. Perhaps you will even find yourself beginning to love the gentleman, if you give yourself the chance to know him.”
He looked at her as if he expected a response, but Lavinia didn’t know what to say.
