“You want to be a spinster.”
“That’s right. I do.”
“And what about me?”
“What about you? You’ll find someone else soon enough. Everyone knows you’re the most eligible bachelor in the ton.”
“I don’t want someone else, Lady Edwina.” He locked eyes with her. “I want you. You are the only one I want and the only one I ever will.”
Edwina’s breath caught in her throat.
How could he be saying that? How could this be what he wanted to say to her after all this time? And where had these words been when they had been together before she had left?
“Why now?” she managed. “Why are you saying this to me now?”
“I should have said it sooner. I know that.”
“That’s right. You should have,” she told him. “I asked you, didn’t I? And you didn’t give me an answer. You gave me nothing at all.”
“That’s why I came after you,” he said. “I was wrong not to say it before. I know that. I should have told you how I felt, and I would have done it if I’d been stronger. Braver. But I’m not going to let the chance get away from me twice I need you to hear it, Lady Edwina. I had to tell you how I felt before you closed the door on this part of your life forever.”
“All right,” Edwina said. She felt detached from what was happening, as if she was watching it happen to someone else, and it occurred to her that perhaps it was simply too difficult to trust the Duke again after everything they had each been through. She had never fully trusted him to begin with, andnow…well, hadn’t he had enough chances? Hadn’t she come back to him over and over, hoping each time that things might be different between them at last? And they never had been.
“I think you ought to get out of the carriage,” she said. “I think I should be on my way.”
“No,” he said.
She raised her eyebrows. “You’re saying no?”
“I’m not going to let you walk away from me again,” he said. “I made that mistake once. I’m not going to make it twice, Edwina. You asked me before if I loved you, and I couldn’t answer you then. I’m sorry for that. You deserved to be answered right away—you deserve to be loved by a man who doesn’t have to think twice before giving you an answer. I hope that, if nothing else, you can take some consolation from the fact that after having thought about it, I feel appalled that it took me any consideration at all. Of course, I love you. Of course, I have loved you this whole time. And I won’t let you ride away from me and begin a life as a spinster—not without at least trying to bring you back—because I want you to marry me.”
He said all this very quickly, and when he had finished, it was clear that he was out of breath. He regarded her, waiting for her response.
Edwina’s throat felt tight. It was momentarily impossible to speak.
At last, she found words. “You love me?” she repeated. “You wish to marry me?”
“Yes. More than anything, yes.”
“What about your quest for a perfect duchess? I think we can agree that I am not that.”
“I was a fool to look for a perfect duchess for so long. I ought to have been searching for someone perfect forme. And if I had allowed myself to search for such a person, I would have realized long ago that she was right in front of me. You’re all I’ve wanted for the longest time, Lady Edwina. I’m begging you to become my wife.”
“You tormented me,” she said. “You made me believe I was nothing more than a pawn—a tool in the game you were playing to find someone better suited to yourself.”
“I didn’t think you wanted me either,” he told her. “If I had thought so, I wouldn’t have let things go on the way I did. But I was so sure you didn’t care about me at all, that it didn’t matter to you what I did or what I thought about you. I didn’t think you wanted me to care for you.”
“I didn’t think I wanted that either,” Edwina confessed, feeling herself soften slightly. After all, she had told him again and again that she had no interest in him. She had believed it herself. He could hardly be blamed for thinking it was the truth.
He reached out and took her hand.
Only then did Edwina fully realize the position they were in. The two of them were completely alone, utterly unchaperoned, sitting in a carriage where they couldn’t be seen by anybody.
She had spent years avoiding being in compromising positions with men. But now, sitting here with the Duke…
She didn’t want him to go.
Strange as it was to realize, she liked having him near her. She liked his hand in hers, and she even liked the fact that they were doing something a bit scandalous. She liked the fact that she would never be able to tell anyone what had happened here today, and the sudden rush of trust she felt, looking at him and knowing that he would never tell anyone either. He wouldn’t damage her reputation like that, and that meant that this moment would always belong to the two of them. It would always be theirs alone.
