Simon hesitated for a moment, then reached out to gently take her hand in his. “Come here,” he said, his voice softening. He guided her over to the bed and sat down beside her, their hands still clasped together.
For a few moments, they sat in silence, the only sound the faint crackling of the candle’s flame. Harriet stared down at their joined hands, her mind racing. She had imagined this moment countless times, but now that it was here, she didn’t know how to begin.
Harrit was trembling now, but it was not due to the cold. Simon noticed, and perhaps grew worried. But he did not express himself. Instead, he leaned in and gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into an embrace.
Harriet stiffened at first, but then she slowly relaxed into his arms, closing her eyes as she allowed herself to lean on him. She felt the warmth of his body against hers, the steady rise and fall of his chest, and for a brief moment, she allowed herself to forget everything else.
“Harriet,” he murmured, his voice a soft whisper in her ear, “I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want. You’re in control here.”
His words were meant to be comforting, but they only made Harriet’s heart ache.
She knew he was trying to be gentle, to ease her into this, but it wasn’t enough. Not anymore.
He pulled back slightly, just enough to look into her eyes. His hand came up to caress her face, his thumb brushing against her cheek. “You don’t have to be afraid,” he said softly, his eyes filled with concern. “We’ll take this one step at a time.”
The tenderness in his voice, the way he was looking at her — it was everything she had wanted, and yet it wasn’t enough.
Because she knew it wasn’t real. It wasn’t born of love, but of duty, of obligation. And that realization made the pain in her chest almost unbearable.
Simon leaned in to kiss her, his lips brushing against hers in a sweet, gentle kiss. Harriet closed her eyes, allowing herself to melt into the kiss for a moment.
He pulled away for a moment, caressing the side of her face. “Do you like that, love?”
That was when something inside of her snapped.
Harriet suddenly pushed him away, her breath coming in short, ragged gasps.
“Stop,” she said, her voice trembling with a mix of fear and anger. “I can’t do this. I don’t want this.”
Simon blinked in surprise, completely taken aback by her sudden change in demeanor. He reached out for her, but she recoiled.
“Harriet,” he said gently, “it’s all right. We can stop if you want.”
But Harriet shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
“No, it’s not all right,” she whispered. “None of this is all right.”
“What do you mean?”
Harriet stood up from the bed, wrapping her arms around herself as if trying to shield herself from the emotions threatening to overwhelm her.
“I can’t do this, Simon,” she said, her voice trembling. “I can’t be alone again. I don’t want a child just because I’m lonely.”
Simon stood as well.
“Harriet,” he began, but she cut him off.
“No,” she said, shaking her head more forcefully this time. “I wanted your child to raise with you, not just by myself. I loved having Catherine around, not just because I loved the baby, but because you were there with me, too.”
Simon felt a pang of guilt at her words, but he didn’t know what to say. He had always tried to keep a distance, to protect both of them from the pain he knew was inevitable. But hearing her say it out loud, hearing how much his absence had hurt her, made him realize just how much he had failed her.
Harriet took a step closer to him, her eyes filled with a mix of anger and desperation.
“You can’t call me ‘love’ without meaning it,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want that. I would rather you leave again than stay and make me believe in something that isn’t real.”
Simon was speechless.
He had thought he was doing the right thing, keeping his distance to protect them both. But now, he realized that all he had done was push her away, leaving her feeling more alone than ever.
