“Harriet, I…” he began, but it was futile. He didn’t know how to respond.
Harriet shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “You don’t have to say anything,” she whispered. “I understand now. I understand that you can’t give me what I want. And I can’t keep pretending that this… that we… can work.”
Simon’s heart ached at the sight of her tears, at the sound of the heartbreak in her voice.
He wanted to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms and tell her that everything would be all right. But he knew that would be a lie. He couldn’t promise her the future she wanted, the future she deserved.
He stood there, frozen, as Harriet turned and walked towards the door. Her steps were slow, as if each one took an immense amount of effort. When she reached the door, she paused for a moment, her hand on the handle.
“Goodbye, Simon,” she whispered, her voice filled with a sadness that made his chest tighten.
And then she was gone, the door closing softly behind her.
Simon remained standing in the middle of the room, his mind reeling from what had just happened. He felt as though the ground had been ripped out from beneath him.
He had always believed that keeping his distance was the right thing to do, that it would spare both of them from the inevitable pain of a relationship that was doomed from the start. But now,in the wake of Harriet’s confession, he realized that all he had done was deepen the very wounds he had been trying to avoid.
Simon walked over to the bed and sat down heavily, his head in his hands. Harriet’s words echoed in his mind, each one a painful reminder of how much he had failed her. He had thought he was protecting her, but instead, he had left her feeling more alone and abandoned than ever.
“Love.”
The word had slipped out before he could stop it, a word he had never allowed himself to say out loud. And yet, when he had said it, it had felt so natural. So right. But Harriet was right — he couldn’t say it without meaning it. And he had meant it, more than he had ever meant anything in his life.
But what good was love if he couldn’t be there for her? If he couldn’t give her the future she wanted, the future she deserved? The thought of Harriet raising a child alone, the child they had both wanted but for different reasons, filled him with a sense of dread.
The room was silent now, the only sound the soft ticking of the clock on the mantel. Simon felt a deep sense of emptiness settle over him.
He had never imagined that he could feel this way, that he could care so deeply for someone that the thought of losing them would tear him apart. But that’s exactly what had happened.He had lost Harriet, not because of anything she had done, but because of his own fears and insecurities.
Simon stood up and walked back to the window, staring out into the night. The world outside seemed so vast, so indifferent to the turmoil raging inside him.
Am I giving up on something I will regret?
He thought of the future they could have had, the life they could have built together. And, for the first time, he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to be with her, to share his life with her, to love her without reservation.
Could he put his fears away and live a life like that?
CHAPTER 31
Simon had barely been able to sleep the night before. All he had done was wait for dawn to break, so that he could do exactly what he was about to do now.
Which was to stand at Harriet’s room, his hand resting on the door handle.
His heart was pounding in his chest, the weight of the decision he had made the night before pressing so heavily that it almost felt like a physical burden.
He had spent the night in agonizing contemplation, wrestling with his fears, his doubts, and the truth that had become impossible to ignore.
He loved her.
He loved Harriet with a depth he had never allowed himself to acknowledge, and the thought of losing her, of living a life without her, was unbearable.
But with that love came the fear of repeating the past, of becoming the man his father had been — a man who had destroyed the woman he was supposed to love. Simon knew he was far from perfect, but the last thing he wanted was to make the same mistakes, to hurt Harriet in the way his father had hurt his mother.
He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come.
This was Harriet’s decision now. He had made his choice, and now it was up to her to decide if she wanted him to stay or go. The thought of leaving her, of walking away and never looking back, made his chest tighten with pain, but he knew that if she told him to go, he would honor her wishes.
When he heard the first signs of movement coming in from Harriet’s room, he knew that she was finally awake.
