On one end, Selina imagined it would break her heart to find out her dear boy was capable of such cruelty. On the other hand, she didn’t want to tell the dowager, only for her to end up defending the duke.
For those reasons, she kept it away from the dowager. She had spent the whole day locked in her room, unable to get a grip on her feelings and emotions.
It had taken everything within her not to break down in tears in the presence of Morgan and Barbara. Only when she was safely behind the door of her bedroom, the lock clicked in place, did she allow the hot, bitter tears to pour out of her.
That day, Morgan had reminded her all too clearly about things she had been running away from. Things she had been trying very hard to forget.
The angry yelling had opened a closed door deep inside Selina. From that dark place, a thousand crawling and creeping things had emerged, boring through her as they made their way to the surface to torment her.
Selina could not tell when she stopped weeping. She had no idea she had sat there, her back to the door, crying. She felt drained and empty, like a tree in the grip of winter. She had then crawled into her bed and spent the rest of the day there.
Only in the evening did she consider leaving her room. She needed to check on Barbara to see how well she was doing all the things she had been taught. She also knew that Morgan’s actions had troubled the young woman deeply.
“Come in,” Barbara said when Selina knocked on her door. Barbara jumped in surprise when she saw her, clasping her hands together.
“How are you feeling?” Selina asked after she sat on the bed beside Barbara. “Did you change and clean just like I showed you? How is your appetite now? Hope you had your dinner?”
Selina asked question after question in what she hoped was a calm voice, acting as if all was well in the world.
Barbara nodded in reply to all her questions, and then leaped suddenly towards Selina, wrapping her small arms around Selina’s waist.
“I’m so sorry. It was all my fault. If I had been a lot more careful, then Morgan would not have treated you so.”
It pained Selina to listen to Barbara’s sorrowful voice. “You have nothing to be sorry for, my dear. You did nothing wrong. As I said before, what’s happening to you is quite normal. It being your first time, I want you to know how proud of you I am for how well you’re handling it.”
That had not been enough to make Barbara happy, but it was enough to make her stop crying, at least, and that was enough for Selina.
She glanced at Barbara as she spoke with Morgan, then got into the other carriage behind the Dowager Duchess who had just clambered in with the driver's help.
The carriage rolled out of the driveway shortly after, and Selina decided to put Morgan out of her mind for the time being.
The surprise trip to London left Selina feeling worried and unsettled. She knew that the dowager loved visiting London out of Season. However, it hadn’t occurred to her that she would want to take advantage of their being in Wynten to visit the big city.
The older woman constantly spoke about her love for the capital, and had spent the better part of the last two days fussing eagerly about the trip.
Selina did not share her energy and enthusiasm, though. She felt very nervous about the entire trip. Which was why she did not need any extra nerves by spending time with Morgan.
She was on high alert about visiting London, like a criminal on the run. Going to London meant that Selina risked meeting people who knew her from her former life. What was worse, she could even meet…
No, I won’t allow myself to think about this any longer than I have already.She needed to clear her mind before her wild thoughts drove her mad.
Selina turned to look at the dowager, hoping to talk to the woman. She was surprised to see that the dowager had been staring at her already. She had a curious, worried look, and Selina knew that the kind woman could tell she was unsettled.
“Is there anything the matter, my dear?” The dowager asked, her old eyes smiling kindly. “I can’t help but notice that you seem quite tense. You’ve been like that all morning.
“Could this be because you’re worried that you would run into your ex-fiancé again in London?” The dowager smiled and patted Selina on the arm. “Listen to me, my dear. You’re with me now. I want you to walk with your head held high, do you understand?
“No matter what happens, you walk with your head held high. He won’t be able to shame you anymore. Why should you be the one who feels shame? He should. He should be ashamed of himself because no true man would do what he did to you.
“Besides, you’re with us now, my dear. Not to sound like the bragging peacocks of the Ton, but we are still a duke’s family, with a powerful standing at court. Trust me, as long as you are with us, there’s no one who will disrespect you. You have my word.”
Selina smiled weakly. “Thank you, Your Grace. Not just this, but for everything you have done for me since we met. I’m grateful.”
The Dowager Duchess dismissed Selina as usual, flapping her hand and smiling. “It’s nothing my dear. Now, wipe away that morbid expression from your face, yes? There’s a lot I want us to do together in London, and I won’t have you being sad on such a trip!”
Selina laughed softly and the Dowager Duchess reclined in her seat, smiling in satisfaction with herself.
Despite her lighter mood, Selina thought only about the best ways to keep herself hidden when they arrived in London. She had no desire to tease fate, but it seemed to be all this trip to London threatened to do.
