“Penny!” He jumped back from her, looking around the garden with panic in his eyes. “What happened? Where am I?”
Thunder and lightning struck at once, allowing her to see the panic in his eyes clearly.
“You are sleepwalking. What are you doing? You are going to catch your death. Come, we must go inside.”
The rain lashed them now and her cape was clinging to her body. Slowly he realized where he was and what had happened. Just then an almighty boom sounded out, followed by a cracking. She screamed out in fear as the large oak tree outside of her window snapped and a branch broke off, falling into the garden near them. Daniel, finally in control of his faculties, grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her toward the house. They ran as the rain, thunder, and lightning continued unabated. They did not stop running until they reached the safety of the house, stopping only when they got to the hall where a horrified footman rushed off to retrieve towels for them.
“What did you do?” She yelled at him, furious, for she knew the only reason this could have occurred was because he was not taking care of himself.
“I am sorry, Penny. I cause you nothing but worry. I will be out of your life from tomorrow and only return to keep the gossip at bay.” He turned to leave but Penelope had had enough. She grabbed him by the elbow and yanked him back. Enough, she decided, was enough.
“You cannot continue to walk away from me. You abandoned me once and broke my heart. I will not let you do it again.”
His eyes widened as if he was truly surprised at her outburst. “I am not abandoning you. I never…”
“Yes, you did. You abandoned me when we were children. I still remember the moment you stepped into the carriage to go to Eton. I thought my heart would break, but I clung on to the promise you made. Do you really not remember?”
“I … Penny….”
She shook her head. He would not keep her from telling him what she’d needed to tell him for so long.
“You promised we would always be together. You said you would write to me often. We’d never be separated. And then, when you thought I was asleep, you promised me that you’d come back as soon as you were grown up and we’d be married. You told me you loved me. I heard you. And for the longest time, those words were what kept me going. Until I realized you didn’t mean them at all, that you lied, and you abandoned me. And yet, like a fool, a part of me always loved you. No matter how hard I tried to shut away the feelings, an echo of them always remained.”
“You love me?” His voice was full of surprise as if he truly had not suspected it at all.
“I did. I do. But you lie, you keep secrets from me, you ask me to help you court my best friend…”
“I did not lie. I meant every word then. I loved you, too. I thought of you every single day at Eton. I lit a candle in the window for such a long time for you. I wanted to marry you, but I couldn’t…”
“Why? Why not? Do not continue to evade my question. I am tired of it. We are married and I know there are things you are not telling me. Things you keep inside so much it is making you fall into your old habits. You could have died out there. Struck by lightning or drowned. And why? What are you keeping from me that is vexing you so? What is it that kept you away?”
At last, he sighed and to her surprise, he started walking toward the drawing room. “Come, let us stand by the fire. I am freezing and you are shivering.”
Reluctantly, she followed him and when they were in the room, they stood at the fireplace, the roaring flames dancing before them. He stood with his hands on the mantle, staring into the fire.
“I wanted to marry you because I loved you. But that is also why I stayed away. I… You know what happened to my parents. My father killed my mother because of the madness that possessed him, and that possessed his father. And I have it within me as well. If I allow myself to feel, to strongly feel for anyone, I will lose myself just as he did.”
“You do not. You have always had a jealous nature, even as a child, but that is normal. That does not mean you will become like your father.”
He turned to her, the light of the fire casting a shadow over his face.
“But I will. It was explained to me that this madness runs in my family. I had to be separated from you because I was growing too close to you. I was a danger to you because I loved you. That is why I didn’t write and why I didn’t answer your letters. It is why I stayed away because I knew if I were around you, I could not help but love you. I could not fight the desire to be with you. I had to keep you safe from me. That is why I kissed you at the Festival. The alcohol removed my inhibitions and I did what I truly wanted to do. Kiss you. Because I love you still.”
Her mind raced. He loved her? After all these years?
“But why did you… you wanted to marry Bridget.”
He nodded. “I was counseled on the matter. I came to understand that I would be safer being married to someone I didn’t love. My feelings would remain under control. But if I married you… if you knew I loved you and you loved me back… I will destroy you, Penelope. I know I will.”
“Nonsense. It is nonsense. Who would tell you such a thing? It is all lies! Your family has no history of madness. I should know. I read history books about the area. Your family is mentioned many times, and not a mention of madness other than your father. And your grandfather? He was much revered. Besides, your father was known to be fond of too much wine and brandy and cognac and whatever else. Do you not think that had something to do with what happened between him and your mother?”
He ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head. “I do not know. I only know what I was told. It is what I believed all of my life. It is… every time I grow angry, I think it must be a sign of the madness. I…”
She could not believe what she was hearing. Someone had poisoned his mind when he was but a young child and had led him to believe he was a danger to her. But why? All this pain and anger. All the years of separation because of this?
“Who in the world told you this, Daniel? Who told you your family has a history of madness and that you’d be just like your father?”
He looked at her with so much fear in his eyes, so much anxiety written all across his face that she knew the answer before he spoke it out loud. Yet, when he did, it still hit her so hard she tumbled backwards against the wall.
