He swallowed. It would not be empty for much longer. Soon he would share the lonely, damp place with Penelope. His wife. They would share the place that had brought his parents nothing but misery and so too would they be miserable, because one thing Daniel knew for sure. While he loved her with all of his heart, Penelope hated him and nothing would ever change that again.
Chapter 30
Penelope rose early the next morning, having hardly slept at all.
To think that today is my wedding day and I wish for nothing more than to be able to remain in my bed, under the covers.
She swung herself around until her feet touched the cold floor and got up. It was dark in the room, her beeswax candle having long since gone out. Gingerly, she made her way to the window and pulled back the heavy curtains. Dawn was rising outside and she knew she had to hurry. As quickly as she could, she dressed herself. As a young girl, she’d imagined what it might be like to get married and what she might wear. The groom in her daydreams, of course, had always been Daniel, albeit in much more romantic circumstances.
In those dreams, she always thought of herself in a richly embroidered gown, with her hair done up in an elegant manner with a sparkling white and silver bandeau as a headdress. She had few memories of her mother, but one of her fondest was of a day spent outside, playing in the garden. Penelope had a distinct memory of her mother running in the sunshine, the sun reflecting in the silver beads of her headdress.
Sometime after her mother’s death she’d convinced Daniel to help her look for the item in her mother’s chamber. She remembered it well. It was a few weeks after Daniel arrived to live with them. He’d been mute and withdrawn since his arrival and she’d talked him into helping her as a way to get him out of his own head and involved in other things.
They never did find the item, and the quest ended with both of them being discovered by her father who sent them to bed without dessert as punishment that day.
I wonder why it is that I could never find it, even when I looked later as an adult. Maybe the reason it is not there is because she wore it the day she died. Maybe it went into the water with her when the carriage went over the bridge and it floated away in the current.
With a sigh, she pinned her hair up in the same style she wore each day. Then she stepped over to her armoire and selected a white gown with a low scooped neckline that gathered under her chest and gently cascaded along her body, still slimmer than usual due to her inability to eat. She struggled to do the hooks in the back of the skirt but managed at last. It was a capped-sleeve frock and she knew it would be too cold to wear it outside without a cover. She pulled out a simple pelisse, slipped into it and rushed outside.
* * *
The sun rose in the east, illuminating her path as she walked to Carlton Manor. She had decided to gather her gown up so that the hem would not be spoiled by the dirt on the road as she went. The walk was a short one, shorter than she’d liked, and when the Manor which would soon be her home came into view, she felt a wave of nausea overcome her.
Faith, Daniel, how I wished, hoped, and prayed all of these years that you would return to me. How I dreamt that you meant what you said. I wanted for nothing more than your promise to be heartfelt. That you’d return and marry me—but out of love. Not out of duty, as is now the case.
Tears formed in her eyes and she blinked them away, not wishing to arrive at her new home in such a state.
She pressed on and found him already waiting for her by the stable yard. He was dressed in a fine-looking morning suit with a double-breasted waistcoat underneath. Instead of his usual tight pants, he wore plain pantaloons and half-boots. He was handsome, breathtakingly so.
“Penelope…” He started to speak but then stopped, taking in her appearance. She felt herself color at the attention and looked away, her heart beating much faster than she’d liked. “You look striking. A vision, indeed.”
She faced him. “I am not in need of flattery so you need not tip over the butter boat.” She knew his compliments were said out of duty, just as everything else he said and did today. Penelope neither wanted nor needed his approval of her attire.
“I only meant to tell you that I think you are very handsome.” There was something so sad and regretful in his voice that she could not help but soften.
“I spoke harshly. I am sorry. I have not slept well and this day is not easy.”
“I understand. Believe me, I do. Let us get to Banbury, do the deed, and return to face your father.” He paused and nodded toward the carriage which was parked on the corner. “I thought I had best drive the carriage myself while you remain in the back, thus giving you some time to yourself while we ride. I assumed you would rather not be seated beside me on the way.”
She swallowed. She wanted to tell him that she always wanted to be near him, that she’d loved him since she was a child, but she knew she could not. There was no point in making him feel even worse than he already did. What good would it to do add to his burden by revealing her feelings?
Instead, she nodded and followed him as they walked to the carriage. He extended his hand and she took it, allowing him to help her into the vehicle.
“I have placed a blanket inside, should you grow cold.” She glanced in the direction he’d indicated. A woolen blanket was neatly folded there, waiting for her use. His care for her touched her and she chided herself for being so unkind to him earlier.
“Thank you, Daniel. I appreciate it. Will we have enough time to visit Amberley to call on Bridget?”
He winced at the mention of her, but nodded. “If you wish to. I have made an appointment for ten in the morning, so we have time.”
He closed the carriage door then and a moment later, they were in motion, making their way toward Bridget’s home. As they went, her stomach was in knots and she felt as though she might well be sick. Alas, there was nothing she could do about it now. What had to be done, had to be done. It was with that feeling of doom in her stomach that she watched as the carriage made its way out of the courtyard and onto the road. All Penelope had left was the faint hope that her friend would understand. But there was a feeling in the pit of her stomach which made her almost certain that this would be the last time she ever spoke to Bridget Hughes.
Chapter 31
She stepped out of the carriage, assisted once more by Daniel. The morning was chilly and she’d made use of the blanket he’d provided. She noticed him glancing at it, now in a pile on the bench and a small smile washed over his face.
“Shall I come with you?” He asked before she shook her head. It was evident by the hesitation in his voice that he did not wish to come with her at all and only offered out of obligation. She wanted to feel irritated at this, his sense of duty, but then thought better of it.
He could have abandoned me and returned to London. As a young lord, an Earl, he could have simply made his way back there and lived his life as though the kiss at the Festival never happened. He could have left me to my fate. But he is an honorable man, willing to marry a woman he does not love because he knows the fate otherwise in store for me. I must stop being angry at him, lest our life turns into even more of a misery. Perhaps if I try to be kinder, as he has been, we will be able to live alongside one another in peace.
