“It is all in the past now. We are reunited once more as brother and sister, as you said. You will marry my best friend and we will all be happy henceforth. Now, as we are to call on Bridget later today, it might be a good idea for you to collect some flowers for her. There is a merchant just at the end of the street here who sells the most beautiful dahlias. Bridget loves them.”
She did not wait for him to reply because she knew if he said anything else, anything remotely kind of comforting, she might lose her composure entirely. Instead, she pressed forward, walking ahead of him as he followed. She did not turn to look at him. She couldn’t because if she had, he would have seen the tears that forced their way out of her eyes and down her cheeks.
No. Daniel would not see her cry. Not over him. Never.
Chapter 16
Daniel followed Penelope down the road and toward the next house where they repeated the act of delivering bread to her father’s tenants. He could not deny the sudden heaviness which had replaced their just recovered ease and it hurt him in his heart. She would hardly even look him in the eye.
He knew calling her his sister seemed to bother her, but why? They had been like siblings for many years. Until those tender feelings had arisen in them both, shortly before his departure. He shook his head. Penelope was a mystery now.
I wish she’d let me finish what I wanted to tell her, if only we could at least go back to how it once was. Just because we can never be more than friends does not mean we cannot at least be pleasant with each other, and enjoy each other’s company. That is, if she even cares for my company. At times I feel she would rather I be gone entirely. Other times I feel she cares for me still.
He stopped as an image of their perceived future embedded itself in his mind. What would it be like? He married to her best friend? He would see her often, that much was certain. Unless… Perhaps it would be wiser to move to London permanently with Bridget, once he’d made her his wife. Surely it would be much preferable for his heart and mind not to be near Penelope as often. But then there was the matter of Alistair and his growing affection for Penelope. He surely…
“Daniel?” Penelope’s voice carried a hint of irritation when she called him and he realized she’d been speaking to him for some time. He set in motion once more, joining her.
“Forgive me, I was lost in thought.”
“I could tell.” She tilted her head to one side and bit her lip as she studied his face. “Are you not sleeping well? You have the same tired expression on your face as you did when we were children. As if you cannot find your rest.”
He nodded and sighed, amazed that after all these years she not only remembered what his face had looked like when he was a child haunted by bad dreams, but that she could recognize the expression on his face now.
“Dreams haunt me, it is true. They have plagued me all of my life, but it has been much worse since I returned here.”
She nodded, sympathy returning to her eyes. “I am sorry. I am sure it is the proximity to the site of your poor mother’s passing. I feel the same whenever I have the misfortune of having to cross the bridge off which my mother’s carriage drove.”
He looked at her with nothing but empathy, their shared loss once more resurfacing as the subject that bound them so closely together as children.
“Even in my discomfort and sadness, I still find comfort in knowing you understand, as you always did. It is not often I have a person around me to whom I can express these feelings. Indeed, in all of my life there have only been two. And only one of whom knows the details of these dreams which haunt me.”
She blinked but looked away as they made their way through the little village. “The other being Mr. Mavis, I assume?”
He nodded. “Indeed. I have been fortunate to have met him at Eton shortly after arriving. He has been a true friend when I sorely needed one.” He paused, glancing at her. “I was lonely those first few months. Word had spread to my classmates about the nature of my upbringing, my lack of parents, and how it came to be so. There where whispers, and there were unpleasant encounters. Until Alistair arrived and quickly created a bond between us that is unbroken to this day.”
“It is fortunate, indeed.” She said as they turned to the right and approached another modest home. “He seems a good friend, especially if you can confide in him as you once did me.”
There was so much in this statement, much more than the words which made it up. He knew she was upset with him. He knew she did not understand his lack of correspondence over the years. It was evident in her face and in her tone that she’d never forgotten or forgiven him. And perhaps she never would.
He cleared his throat. “He never took your place as my most treasured confidant. I should imagine nobody ever could. Penny, I know it has been strange, my being back here, but perhaps you could find it within you to truly forgive me and for us to be friends once more. Especially if I am to be successful in my pursuit of Miss Hughes.”
Her head whipped around and she faced him, her lips pinched together in the same manner she always employed when angry.
“Perhaps if you could explain yourself to me. You say you were so alone at Eton before you met Mr. Mavis, but there was no reason to be. You had a family. You had Papa and I, and yet you chose to leave us behind. I find it difficult to muster much sympathy for your tale of loneliness at school when it was of your own choosing.”
He sighed and shook his head. “It was of my own choosing but not solely. Not driven by rejection of those who took me in so kindly, but out of regard and respect. You father knows of my reasons and he’s seen to forgive me. I’d hope you would feel the same.”
She frowned at the mention of her father and Daniel at once regretted telling her this particular detail of his story. Alas, there was no cause to converse further, as she had already knocked on the door of the next person in need. She quickly engaged in handing out the charitable contribution to the man before them.
He was a man of middle age, his skin dark from working in the sun all summer long.
“Miss Penelope, what a pleasure to see you.” He smiled at her and was joined a moment later by a woman, equal in age and appearance, who smiled at Penelope as she saw her.
“Mr. Turvis, Mrs. Turvis, I’ve come to call on you with my father’s highest regards. He sends this along as a token of his respect for the hard work you do tending to his fields. Lord Carlton and I hope you are well.”
She handed them two parcels—one of bread, the other of plum cake.
The man took it and was about to reply, with his thanks no doubt, when his eyes fell on Daniel and his mouth dropped open.
