My head pulses with pain, with the dissonance, with the hurt.
Then I tuck it all away.
Because I can’t deal with that right now.
I need to confront what happened with Hiller, my failures afterward, my guilt from not speaking up…
And that’s more than my fair share already.
In fact, it feels like so much of a fucking share that my lungs are tight, my thoughts spin with all the speed of a hurricane, and my heart feels shredded.
But I can handle this.
God knows, I’ve handled so much more.
So I stand there, focusing on my breath, on the untouched nature in front of me.
Green pines. Granite mountains. A blue, blue lake.
Slow and steady breaths. A cool breeze on my sweat-coated skin.
And eventually, I’m able to come out of that whirlwind, to be at peace with my decision, and then, long minutes later, to type out a reply to Damon.
JOEY: I’m fine. I’ll explain later tonight. Call me after you land.
It’s mere seconds later when my cell buzzes with a reply.
DAMON: I rescheduled my flight. Where are you? Let’s talk now.
JOEY: I’ll call you later.
He replies again, but I don’t read it, certainly don’t answer it.
I just let that boundary stand…because I can’t right now.
Instead, I pull up Tera’s contact information and hit the button to call her.
“You ready?” she asks after we exchange greetings.
My blood is freezing in my veins, my spine has gone stiff, and my head is threatening to spin out again, but sure, I’m fine.
Fine. Fine. Everything isfine.
Channeling that meme, I exhale one more time, nod even though she can’t see me, and say, “I’m ready.”
“Okay,” she says gently. “Know I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I know.”
“Good,” she murmurs. “So you’ll meet me…” She gives me the address, and I nod again, still knowing she can’t see me, but I can’t stop myself.
“I’ll be there,” I whisper.
“Joey?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t have to do this.”
