I slipout of the house, exhausted from not having slept, but also not having trusted myself to wake up in time.
To wake up before him.
I need to get the hell out of here.
Now.
I close the front door softly behind me, hit the button on the keypad to engage the lock then slip out to my car, tense until I’m out of the driveway and down the street.
No morning skate today, and I take full advantage of that. Instead of heading to the rink, I make a pitstop by my house to get my things for tonight then drive up through the winding roads, getting lost in the trees, in the morning sunshine.
I don’t stop.
Not when my phone rings.
Not as the road gets narrower.
Not until I’m at the top of the mountain.
Only then do I pull to a stop, slotting my car into an opening on the side of the road.
For a long time, I stare out at the vista in front of me—acres and acres of pine trees, the gorgeous blue lake in the distance.
And I prepare myself.
For what I’m going to do.
For what Ihaveto do.
Can I?
Do I have a choice?
I do…but I don’t.
Because it’s not just about me. It’s about everyone before and everyone after and?—
Yeah, it’s also about me.
I exhale as I stare out at the grand expanse of mountains, the evidence of the beauty of nature and the truth that I’m only a very tiny piece in all the vastness of the universe…and I make a decision.
No.
I accept the decision I’ve already made.
My phone buzzes for the umpteenth time—apparently at this elevation, cell service has a clear shot to torment me. I glance down and read another text from Damon, see that the chain of messages are growing ever more concerned.
Guilt ripples through me, but although I spent the last eighteen hours thinking, wondering, worrying, I still haven’t figured that part out, haven’t figured out what I’m going to do about Damon.
I love him.
I have for a while.
But can I be in a relationship with someone who kept something like this from me?
Even as that question buzzes along my mind, I can’t keepout the ironic realization that I’m doing the same exact thing as he did right now.
Keeping something from Damon to protecthim.
