“You know,” Jaxon says, “when I was at my first stop on my first tour I headlined, I fell down the stairs on the stage I’d been practicing on for the last two weeks?”
I turn toward him slightly. “Really?”
“Really.” He grabs his phone, clicking a few buttons. “Here. Watch this.”
Jaxon, on stage, falls, and when he pops up, making a face at the crowd, I laugh. “Nice.”
He looks at me quizzically. “You’ve really never seen that before?”
I shrug. “After you cut me from your life, I kept you from mine. I didn’t look you up. Didn’t talk about you. Nothing.”
“That’s fair,” Jaxon says.
I can tell he’s trying to keep his voice neutral, but there’s a hint of hurt in the way his voice gets just a bit lower, his eyes unable to hold mine.
“But there’s no time like the present,” I say, typing “Jaxon Steele most embarrassing moments” into the search bar.
I laugh at various videos of his missteps on stage, an interview where he accidentally says “fuck.” Jaxon laughs and tells me his side of the story, which is often just the fact that they edited it to make him look better, not worse.
Finally, I change my search, going full internet stalker as Jaxon watches. And damn. Jaxon Steele is an impressive individual—though I may still like the Jaxon Reid I knew better. Jaxon Steele is too…perfect.
But it’s also strange finding out about this entire stage of his life that I missed. The one he purposefully excluded me from. I know he had his reasons, but it still hurts. I may understand why he left, but he could’ve reached out at any point along the way. When he played in Colorado the first time. When he won his first award. When his first song topped the charts.
Maybe I’m not quite over the hurt of it all yet.
Chapter twenty-four
Izzy
“Where’sLilatoday?”Iask, nodding to the desk in front of me. Lila works for Kelsey and Carter. She’s been renting a desk from us since she moved here almost two years ago now, and it’s been fun having another person in the office. I was worried about the dynamics of Lila being Bryn’s boyfriend’s sister, Kelsey’s employee, and my officemate would get too convoluted, but it’s been surprisingly easy. It’ll be fun to have her as a pseudo-sister-in-law when Bryn and Jameson get married.
“She’s at JT and Jameson’s golf tournament this weekend. I think it’s in Florida. Maybe California? Definitely not anywhere international,” Becca replies.
“Her life is complicated,” I say, pulling up the golf site to check how the tournament is going. “I can’t imagine dating my brother’s best friend.”
“No, you’re keeping it much simpler: fake dating your ex-best friend while he tries to make you come.”
“Exactly. Easy-peasy,” I say with a laugh.
Becca turns to face me, and I do the same—our normal gossip setup. We moved our desks about five years ago now so we both have the old brick accent wall behind us. It’s been a game-changer for our video call backgrounds. Since our desks sit facing the same direction with only about five feet between us, chatting while we work is inevitable.
Usually, we just talk and work, doing our best to keep from getting too distracted. But sometimes, when the gossip is just too good, we fully give up on working and turn in our chairs.
“So speaking of Jaxon, what are you two doing for your song-writing date tomorrow?” Becca asks.
“We’ve been texting about it. He really wants to come to our house again, which makes sense, but I’d rather go out there. I feel bad that we keep kicking you out of your own house.”
Becca waves me off. “No need to worry about me. Plus, this is just a hangout, right? I don’t see why I couldn’t be there too. It’s not like you’re going to start just…doing it…on the couch, are you? Because if not, we can all watch a movie or something.”
“I’m just worried that if we’re at the house, I’m going to keep seeing my room and being reminded of what happened yesterday. I could barely sleep in there last night. I ended up putting new sheets on my bed just so I had a chance of not ruminating until dawn on every terrible decision that led me to crying in my bed with Jaxon while two sex toys sat on my nightstand.”
“Then go out to his house,” Becca says, not bothering to try to convince me I’m wrong. The best part about being friends with someone from the time you’re three and then sticking together well into your adult years? They accepted you for who you are a long, long time ago.
“It makes him uncomfortable for some reason,” I say. “He hasn’t said that exactly, but I know it’s a big deal just by the way his shoulders bunch when he talks about it.”
Becca shrugs. “He’s forcing you outside your comfort zone, maybe you should force him. Oh, I know! You should see if your parents still have your oldGuitarStargame. You and Jax used to play that for hours. You could surprise him with it at his house.”
It’s a pretty good suggestion. Jaxon and I could play that game for hours, and even if he’s a famous musician now—Hell, his songs might even be onGuitarStar25or whatever version they’re on now—but everyone loves singing along to Guns N’ Roses or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Plus, if I just show up at his dad’s place, I may be able to understand why he’s so against anyone being in that house with him.
