I nod once. I can do this.
Before I can stop myself, I slide my jeans off, kicking my feet when they get tangled at the end. I leave the black thong on, offering myself a sense of security, despite the lack of actual covering. That’s what I get for foregoing my normal full-coverage underwear for the sake of pretending to be cool during tonight’s escapades.
I glance at Jaxon and realize he’s not unaffected by this. He’s staring at my face, but his pupils are blown wide.
It somehow gives me more confidence.
“Turn on the toy and touch yourself,” Jaxon says, his voice low.
I hit the button, though I can already feel myself overthinking this whole thing.Do I just go for it? Do I tease myself?The vibrator buzzing away in my right hand, I consider calling this off. It’s absolutely fucking ludicrous. I am not the type of girl who can just…do this.
“Iz,” Jaxon says, his voice a firm command to focus on the here and now. “Slide the toy up your right leg. Barely touch yourself before sliding down the other.”
So I do.
Following his orders makes this easier for me. I can almost pretend he’s there because he wants to be, not because he needs me for his career. Like he might actually enjoy this and get something out of it too.
I continue to follow his directions, playing with myself as the room melts away, Jaxon’s voice the only thing filling me.
A moan slips from my lips. The bed moves as Jaxon sits next to me.
He lubes up the toy, and heat crawls up my neck at the wet sound his hand makes as he strokes the pink dildo.
“Iz,” Jaxon whispers. “I’m going to fill you with this, and I need you to focus on the pleasure. Use your hips to tell me exactly where you want it.”
My underwear is pushed to the side and a thick length enters me. I’ve never been filled at the same time as I used a vibrator, and the dual points of stimulation are almost too much.
We find a rhythm, and I can feel my orgasm building.
I rock.
I jerk.
I find the bulletin board pinned above the desk in my room, and I try not to focus on it—but I do.
I lose the sensation that had been rolling through me.
Moving the toy, I try changing the vibration setting, but it’s no use. This has happened before. It’s that damn ledge. I know I won’t be able to go over it tonight.
Stopping the vibrator, I sit up, pushing Jaxon’s hand away. “I’m done,” I say.
“Okay,” he agrees, moving his hand and the toy from me while keeping his eyes trained on my face.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.
I let out a harsh laugh. “I hate to be that guy, but I told you so.”
He just sits there staring at me with a look akin to sympathy in his eyes. I fucking hate it.
“You’re right. But it seemed like you were enjoying it. Can you tell me when that stopped? Was it because of something you felt? Was it the song? Was it…I don’t know, my breath?”
“I just…I saw my sticky notes on my wall with everything I need to do, and my mind started to wander. I tried to chase the feeling, but I lost it. I’m sorry if this is more work than you were expecting,” I say, biting my lip to try to keep the tears at bay.
“We’ll get it next time,” Jaxon says, lying on the pillow next to mine. “I’m not giving up that easily.”
Tears track down my face. I want to tell Jaxon to go home. To leave me alone. I feel raw. And disappointed. And embarrassed. Very embarrassed. But I also don’t want to be alone. Or I at least don’t want Jaxon to leave me right now.
A feeling I will not be thinking about or naming right now.
