“Your aura has changed,” Hazel says with a smile.
“Oh?”
“It used to be green when you were a child, and then, of course, when you were sick, it was dark gray for a while.” My face falls from the shame I feel. “I knew that wouldn’t last, though,” she says, squeezing my arm. “You’re not the first young witch to overuse gold dust, you know. And you won’t be the last. But you are strong enough to manage the effects. I saw that in you from the start.”
I raise my eyes to hers. “Thank you for that.”
“Besides, you’re getting stronger. Your aura now is hazel.”
“Hazel? What does that mean?”
“Hazel is a blending of green, brown, and gold. Green is growth. You’re changing, sweetheart, maturing as you should. The brown is grounding. You know your worth and are emotionally stable. And the gold—” she grins widely “—that’s a gift of the goddess. Celestial joy, my dear. You’ve been in her presence.”
I don’t deny it. “You’ve always been able to see straight into me.”
She takes my hands between her own. “You’ve been blessed with a gift, Zoe. You can accomplish whatever you want to if you just trust your instincts.” Her eyes drift back toward Jeremy. She lowers her voice. “Others in the coven may not agree with me on this, but I’ve never bought into the modern view of things. Our world is magic, not psychiatry. But I believe everything you need to succeed is already available to you. All you have to do is trust yourself to access it.” She releases my hands and the small pencil and paper within them.
“I really needed to hear that.”
She rises up on her toes and kisses my cheek. “Blessed be.”
As she drifts off to spread her wisdom to someone else in the coven, I smile down at the parchment in my hand and think about what I should wish for. Thoughts swirl through my head, but only one face appears again and again. Seb. Seb is the reason I don’t have to wish for money. Seb is the reason I don’t have to wish for a job or for a home. Seb is fighting a battle that could end his life and the lives of his people. I like Seb. I could love Seb under the right circumstances. I came here alone tonight to prove to the spider in my brain that he wasn’t controlling me. I am still my own person. He did not follow me. He did not insist on coming with me. Even if we don’t end up together, I want to help him. I want him to know that I did my best.
I pick up the pencil and write, I wish I were enough for Seb.
I pause. I’d meant “magically” when I started writing. Enough to help Seb magically. I was referring to power. But as I was writing, I thought, it’s bigger than that. I want to be enough for him. Worthy of him. Enough that he trusts me, always. Enough that what we’ve started lasts forever.
I fold the piece of paper and toss it into the bonfire, the corners glowing gold as it curls in on itself and blows toward the stars. I picture the goddess, sweeping all our wishes into the palm of her hand and smiling down on us.
I draw in a deep breath tinged with a rich, smoky scent and decide it’s time to visit my parents’ library.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
ZOE
Hazel told me to trust my instincts, and I’m so glad I did. I sit at the desk in my parents’ library with no fewer than six grimoires open in front of me, and I know I’ve done the right thing. As I snap pictures of the pages, I am sure my idea will work. I can create a gold ring just like the Saint’s Order one, a ring that will hold the goddess’s celestial magic. The power of the creator to face off against the power of the destroyer.
And the best part is, most of it I can do without ascending. I don’t need to be in the Gold Room to form the gold into a ring or to soak it in a potion. I can sing an incantation and draw the symbols to add the layers of enchantments. Five layers. A celestial counterspell for each of the dark ones in the original ring. The only thing I’ll have to ascend for is to infuse the charms, enchantments, and spells I perform into the metal. But as long as Seb isn’t in a hurry, I think I can wait until I heal a little bit more before I do it. I can make him the defensive ring he needs without falling into a full-blown dependency situation. I’m sure of it.
Quickly, I finish taking my pictures and slide my phone back into my purse. I was lucky to quietly sneak in here without anyone seeing me, but the party will be winding down soon, and I need to get back out there before someone notices I’m gone. I close the top book and walk it to the shelf, carefully returning it to the spot where I found it. I do the second book and the third. I’ve just closed the fourth when the door opens, and Jeremy strides into the room.
“Hello,” I say lightly. My stomach sinks at the sight of him. I hate that he caught me in here. I’m not doing anything wrong, but I don’t want to answer his questions. I arch an eyebrow. “Ever heard of knocking?”
He smiles, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “I didn’t think there would be anyone in here.”
I giggle. “That’s why you knock.” I return the book I’m holding to the shelf. Behind me, he walks deeper into the room. “I’ll be done in a second if you want to use this room.”
He clears his throat. “No. I came looking for you when I noticed you were missing.”
“You don’t need to keep track of me, Jeremy. I’m a grown woman and perfectly healthy now. No babysitter needed.” I mean for it to come out teasingly, but I can’t keep the sharp edge from my words.
“That’s strange, because it looks like you were planning to do magic before I’ve cleared you.”
What the fuck? I whirl to face him. “First of all, my researching magic is not the same as my doing magic. Second, why haven’t you cleared me? I’ve been sober and thriving for over a year.”
He scowls. “Thriving? You’re barely getting by on your own.”
I jerk back. “What the hell does that mean? I’m gainfully employed. I’ve made a home for myself. I’m healthy.”
