“Actually, I think it would be better if you could just have your driver take me, if that’s all right. I know how busy you are.”
His face falls, the beaten-dog expression taking over. It’s like each of my words has been a knife in his gut.
“My apologies. I thought maybe…because you’d asked me?—”
Oh, that’s right. I did ask him. Instantly, I feel like a huge jerk, and I’m about to renege and ask him to come with me. But he’s already pulled out his phone. “William will meet you at the front door in five minutes.”
“Thank you.” I walk away, my heart heavy.
If he’d wanted to go with you, he would have tried harder to come, the spider says.
Shut up. You were wrong. I’m not a prisoner, and he is letting me go, I think back to her. My heart squeezes painfully. I wanted Seb with me tonight, and once again, I’ve made a choice based on a lie my addiction told me. Now, I’m stuck with the consequences. Yanking Seb’s chain and asking him to go now would just confuse things.
I see William pull up outside and open the door, but Ellison’s whispered voice comes through the wall. “Are you really going to let her leave? Alone?”
“She’ll be safe with her kind tonight. Besides, she’s a witch, not a dragon.”
“But how will you stand it?”
I walk out the door to Seb’s low growl.
An hour later, I arrive at my parents’ house just as the sun begins to set. When William drops me off, he gives me his number and promises to stay in the area until I’m ready to go. I walk up to the door alone, the smoky scent of bonfire flavoring the air.
For a second, I just stand there, listening to the voices inside. It’s been a long time since I was welcome to enter this house without knocking. A long time since I called this place home. But as I raise my fist to rap on the heavy farmhouse door, emotion catches in my throat. I wish I were a person they could be proud of. I wish I weren’t keeping secrets from them even now.
The door opens, and I’m surprised when I see Jeremy standing on the other side. He gives me a warm smile. Jeremy is only four years older than me. When I was a freshman in high school, he was a senior, and as witches, we grew up in the same circles. Only, he decided to pursue psychiatry, while I pursued my music career. And now, he’s my doctor. It’s weird, though, to see him in social situations like this.
“There’s our girl,” he says with a shake of his sandy brown hair. “We were wondering when you would arrive. But where’s the dragon?”
“Excuse me?” I ask. How would Jeremy know about Seb?
“Your mom told me you were working for a dragon and that he’d be coming tonight.”
A flare of hostility goes off inside me, shadowed by a ring of protectiveness. It’s a deadly time for dragons right now. Not that I don’t trust Jeremy or my mom, but why is that relevant?
“Who told you my boss was a dragon?” I say lightly. “And he couldn’t make it. Something came up.” I shrug.
“He’s not a dragon?” Jeremy asks. “Your mom seemed to think?—”
“Oh, Jeremy. You know Anita. She always has to have something to talk about.” I roll my eyes. “All you need to know about my boss and my new job is that it’s going great. I’ve never felt more creative or productive. And I am looking forward to thanking the goddess tonight for the fruits of all the hard work we put in to get me to this point.” I give him my warmest stage smile and walk past him toward the back of the house, where I know my family will be.
Jeremy strides along with me. “So, what have you been working on?”
“I don’t want to talk about work,” I say. I’ve planned this. I knew he would ask, and I don’t want to lie, so I prepared the truths I could share. I look him in the eye and say, “Suffice it to say that I planted a seed this week that I hope will grow into the most beautiful tree, and I’m just not ready to expose that seed to the sun. It needs time in darkness. I’ll share when I’m ready.”
He frowns. “There shouldn’t be secrets between us, Zoe.”
I snort. “Why? Because you’re my therapist? I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“No. because I’m your friend.” He nudges my elbow, allowing his upper arm to linger touching mine. “We’ve known each other since we were children. You know you can tell me anything, right?”
I glance in his direction, and he looks sincere. But the way he’s looking at me makes me uncomfortable. I’m sure I could tell him or my parents anything and they’d still care for me. We’ve been through a lot together, and I owe them for facilitating my recovery. Only, he’s looking at me like I’m a woman and he’s a man, not a doctor and patient. I’m relieved when we reach the back porch and my mother and father rush over to me for hugs and greetings. I answer their questions about Seb in the same way I answered Jeremy’s, and they let it drop quickly.
Soon, I have a glass of May wine in one hand and a honey cake in the other and am being crowned by our coven’s elder, Hazel Heartwood, her wrinkled face smiling up at me as she places the ring of marigolds on my head. I forget all about the weird interaction with Jeremy and lose myself in the celebration. I eat and drink and laugh, and when a pleasant buzz vibrates in my veins, I kick off my shoes and walk barefoot in the grass toward the bonfire. The heat soaks through my dress and into my skin, shining gold against my face. The connection I feel to the flames, to the wood, to the fresh green grass, to the air around me is euphoric, almost as good as the Gold Room. I dance around the flames, just breathing, just being.
“Have you made your wish yet?” Hazel asks, pausing my steps. She holds out a box of pencils and parchment.
“No, I haven’t. Thank you.” I take one of each with no idea what I plan to write.
