“No. I’m not doing that. I only ascended to help Seb. I don’t use for personal gain anymore.”
She laughs. To help him? After he violated your privacy and your autonomy? He brings you here, of all places. A free home completely under his control. Sounds more like a trap. You’re not his mate. You’re his prisoner.
“That’s not true.”
Oh? Just try to go to Beltane without him. See what happens.
I throw the covers off me and stomp to the shower. I need to wash the filth off me. The filth of that ring. Of my addiction and her chilling, spidery voice. Of the way I jumped into something with Seb I don’t completely understand. Of how I hurt him last night, rejected him, when deep in my heart, I do feel an attachment to him, one that shouldn’t be possible in such a short time.
I step into the spray and let the hot water pour over me, wishing it could take my skin off and I could grow back a different person. I remember hitting rock bottom with gold dust, but I don’t remember ever feeling this low. It’s like I’ve been dropped into a deep, dark well. I can see a tiny circle of light above me that must be my one-time happiness, but reaching it seems impossible. The walls are slick. I may never climb out again.
But I force myself to go through the motions of life anyway. I learned this the first time. The shower, brushing my teeth, eating, dressing, doing my hair, spraying on perfume. If I look normal and act normal, and I cross off the days standing between me and gold dust, eventually, normal will be normal, and the dust will become a distant memory once again.
My living room is filled with boxes from my apartment. Patrick offered to put anything I wanted into storage, but I haven’t had a moment to unpack. But I find one marked closet and dig out my Beltane dress and saddle-brown ballet flats. It’s a flowy, hunter green maxi dress featuring peonies and pomegranates in a pattern of spring greens. I wear it for Beltane every year. I fasten the necklace my mother gave me for the season around my neck, the gold disk that dangles between my collarbones depicting a rudimentary engraving of a maypole. I take a quick look in the mirror before digging out my leather backpack-style purse and throwing my wallet, phone, and some essentials into it.
At the last second, I toss in a notebook and a pen. I promised to help Seb, and no matter what is happening between us, I plan to make good on that promise. And that means I’m not going to miss the chance to research some things in my parents’ magical library.
In the late afternoon, I head up to the big house and hear voices coming from the dining room.
“With any luck, it won’t last long. Because I am personally going to hunt down Roman Cifarelli, and I’m going to cut the Saint’s Order off at the knees,” I hear Seb say. Why does that name sound familiar?
“What about the witch?” another voice says. “Can she help protect you?”
“No. I won’t ask any more of her. It’s killing her. We need to find another way.”
“Sounds like you’ve come to care for the woman. Are you making the right decision for dragons…or for her?”
“It’s my call, Lucas. Yes, I care for her. I’d go so far as to say I love her.”
The other voices hiss.
“Happy? That’s what you wanted, for me to admit it, yes?”
“Does she feel the same way?” the voice asks softly, almost a whisper.
“No,” Seb says. “She has rejected the bond. So, you see, I have no problem being the one to go after Roman, come what may.”
“Damn it. I’m sorry, Seb. That’s awful.”
“No wonder you look like shit.”
I stiffen, not even daring to breathe. It’s true I got angry and left. Things were moving too fast for me. But I didn’t reject him. What exactly is he signing up for?
I clear my throat and stride the rest of the way to the dining room, not surprised when the voices I heard before go silent. Seb looks like hell. He’s got dark circles under his eyes, and his hair stands up in wild tufts. And when he looks at me, his eyes go dead. No spark. No gold.
“Hi,” I say to the room.
Seb stands, his full attention focused on me. “You look beautiful. Stunning, really.”
“Thanks, but…”
“Let me introduce you to my two brothers, Ellison and Lucas.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say politely, then I turn back to Seb. “I was wondering if I could get a ride to my parents for Beltane?”
He stands. “I’ll take you. Let me get changed.”
See. He’ll never let you out of his sight, the spider says.
