The Deal
ELOISE
“It’s dangerous to go into the Darklands with a heavy heart.” Catarina shakes her head. I’ve spent days trying to convince her to help me descend without Damien’s support, but once again, she refuses.
“My heart isn’t heavy,” I protest.
She waves a hand at me. “Nonsense. You and your mate are clearly at odds, and your disposition betrays your bitterness. Everything you feel here will translate there, Eloise. It all goes with you. It will weigh you down and reduce your chances of success. On the contrary, with his love and support, your chances of survival greatly improve.”
I squint at her. “How do you know so much about this anyway? You talk about descending to the shadowpath as if you’ve done it before.”
“I have.” She sips her tea. “All of the most powerful witches in Dimhollow have. It is how we become Wisewomen.”
“You all face Thanesia?”
She laughs so hard she spits a bit of tea across the table. “Darkness, no. We simply descend, walk the path, pay our respects, and return. We would never dream of asking her for anything. However, everyone who walks the path and succeeds in reaching Thanesia returns with something they didn’t have before.”
“She rewards you with gifts?”
“Sometimes wisdom. Sometimes power.”
I drum my fingers on the table. “Is walking the path difficult?”
Catarina’s gaze meets mine. “On the shadowpath, you will be confronted with your darkest fears and your deepest wounds. If you’ve made peace with your life, with your mistakes, with your trauma, the walk will be manageable. You will face these things the way you’ve faced them in life. But if you’ve never faced your demons before, you may find it difficult indeed.”
My mood grows more somber. Have I faced all my inner demons? Honestly, I feel like I’ve been too distracted with my outer demons.
“If Aurora was right, we are on borrowed time. The fate of Dimhollow and Stygarde could hinge on me accessing my power. How can I get Damien to agree to this when he’s refused so many times?”
Catarina reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I have never been without my magic. We are born with it. Most babies in our community can rock their own cradle with their power by the time they are twelve weeks old. I don’t know how I’d feel if it were ripped away like yours was. I imagine you are in much pain. I know that if your mate truly understood that pain, he would allow you to go.”
“Meaning, you think I should show it to him? Be more open about how it’s killing me to be separated from it.”
She nods. “The truth is almost always the best medicine.”
“Thank you. Even though I’m frustrated that you won’t help me without him, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Catarina.”
She smiles. “You’re welcome. It’s been enjoyable getting to know a dragon in the flesh. I’ll be interested to see how your power changes with your walk.”
We finish our tea in relative silence. Despite her refusal to help me, I like Catarina. I’d only met Aurora as part of the trial, and that was a magical echo of her. Not the real person. But remarkably, I find that Catarina shares many of her characteristics. There’s a warmth to her, a vibe. She rests in her power like a spider in her web. She’s welcoming and hospitable, but you always have in the back of your mind that she could easily ensnare you, that the size of her is far bigger than she appears.
“He loves you,” she says as I make my way out of her home. “This tug-of-war between you will never end. You are bound. The only way for either of you to move forward is to move together.”
I think about that all the way back to the cottage where we’re staying. I can’t call this place home. Right now, I can’t call anywhere home.
When I open the door, Damien is there, sitting at the table in front of the fire. I hate the way my heart sinks when I see him. Once, I would’ve given anything for five minutes with him. Now, I brace myself, ready for a fight. It’s exhausting.
“You’ve never been a good liar,” he says gruffly.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“The lie is on your face, in the way you won’t meet my eyes. You stand there, but you’re not here. You’re with me, but you’re not with me.”
I lunge forward, catching myself on the table and baring my fangs. “What if I don’t want to be with you? What if I’m beginning to think this cottage isn’t big enough for both of us?”
He stands, growling. “You only say that because I won’t give you what you want.”
“You won’t let me have what I need, Damien. You keep treating this like it will all just go away, like we can move far enough for long enough to escape our problems. You act like I can just forget that I’ve been cut off from a vital part of myself. We will never escape this. Eventually, we’ll have to face it. I just hope I don’t hate you by the time we do.”
