With a huff, she balls her hands into fists. “You know what, Damien? When I was in Night Haven battling the fucking vampire queen to save you…to save us…I always assumed that I was saving a warrior. I assumed I was freeing someone who wanted to be free. But now that the curse is broken and the queen is dead, you seem more than ready to box yourself into a brand-new prison. Well, I’m done freeing you, and I won’t join you in your cage.” She shoves through the door and slams it behind her.
I release a roar that shakes the walls.
I go after her, but she’s gone, and when I try to sense her along our mating bond, it feels blocked. Where once I felt warmth and connection, I now only feel a wall of ice.
Infuriated, I grab my coat and hike up the mountain. I could break into shadow and reach the peak in minutes, but walking somehow seems the only way to deal with what I’m feeling. On two legs, it takes me hours to reach the peak. Once I do, I sit on the side of the mountain, looking out over New Stygarde, and allow the cold and wind to bite into me. The pain doesn’t come close to what I’m feeling on the inside.
What can I do to change her mind about this? In the distance, sparks fly from the top of Mount Damocles, red lines marking the flow of lava down the mountain. Such a lesson in contrasts. On this mountain in Dimhollow called Perilon, it is always winter. Mount Damocles, where Stygian steel is crafted into weapons, is intolerably hot and humid, like the pinnacle of summer.
Once, my love of Stygarde flowed with just as much heat as the lava on that mountain. But my priorities have changed. I can’t put my kingdom first. My mate is now my world, my kingdom, always. Is she right about me being Stygarde’s last chance? Am I wrong to choose her safety over all else?
“You couldn’t have chosen a warmer place to contemplate the shit you’re in?” Karyl drops down beside me. She’s wrapped in a heavy fur coat with a hood that barely contains her black hair. The wind blows strands of it across her face, and she battles it back to look at me.
“What would you know about the shit I’m in?”
She snorts. “The entire village knows. Mother never ceases talking about how you must be persuaded to take up arms against New Stygarde, and Eloise sulks so frequently the witches are starting to mistake her for a ghost.”
“Did Eloise say she is unhappy?”
“She doesn’t have to say anything. Any fool can see it.”
I frown. “I thought she was simply traumatized from her time as a prisoner among the elves. When I rescued Father, he was similarly depressed.”
“Father was imprisoned for months. Eloise was there for less than a week.” She huffs. “I’m not saying she wasn’t traumatized, Damien, but Eloise has been very clear about what she wants. She’s been cut off from her power, and she wants it back. She feels as if she’s missing an important part of herself.”
“You don’t know that.”
She releases a sharp bark of a laugh. “I do, Damien, because I have spoken with her about this. Haven’t you?”
A growl rumbles in my chest. “Yes, I have. I know she misses the connection she had with her ancestors and the power she once wielded, but isn’t it better to be alive with no power than to be dead?”
She stares off across the kingdom, silent for a moment. “The first night we were reunited, you told Mother and me about your abduction and imprisonment, first by the Gowdie witches and then by the vampire queen. If you knew you could never be free again, would you have rather been a slave to the vampire queen or be dead?”
“That’s different,” I bark in response. “Eloise is not my slave.”
“Then she has a choice? You won’t stop her if she tries to descend to the Darklands?”
I leap to my feet, pacing the windy, ice-covered crag. “Of course not. I can’t allow her to kill herself. I’ll do whatever it takes to stop her.”
Karyl snorts. “So then, she’s not free.”
“It’s different! She’s my mate, not my prisoner. She wants to be with me.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” My sister stands and draws her coat tighter around her body. “Eloise has told you and everyone who will listen what she wants. She wants her power back. She loves you, but she does not feel whole without it.”
“You’re only saying that because Mother wants us as powerful as possible so we can lead the rebellion and take back Stygarde.”
Karyl rolls her eyes. “Yeah. So? My only question is, why the fuck don’t you want that too?”
I clench my teeth until my jaw hurts. “Goddess help me, if you want so badly to take back the kingdom, why don’t you do it? Mother is the queen. You don’t need me.”
She snorts. “Sometimes no matter how much the river longs to flow, it can’t do so without the rain.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Wake up, Damien. Look around you. Or I promise there will come a day when you open your fist and find the thing you’ve been holding so tightly is nothing but air.”
38
