And I had to accept that. I had to swallow down my hopes for perfect given that wasn’t life and even love couldn’t just fix everything.
Did I want better for us? Of course. I wanted her to be magically healed and excited for everything I could give her.
But that just wasn’t life. Real life was way more complicated, and no amount of magic could just fix something as bad as what Aurora went through unless it took her memories.
And honestly, I didn’t even think that would be enough. The mind and body remembered. It remembered so much.
It definitely remembered our pain like muscle memory.
Plus—and this was a big thing—all of what she’d been through had shaped Aurora into who she was. Ilovedwho she was—scars and all. So this was our real first time and we could have perfection later.
Wewouldhave perfection later.
Right then, I would just show the woman I loved the difference between sex and being raped. Making love and enjoying it even would come later.
My lion whimpered inside of me. We didn’t want her unless she would want it more and enjoy it. But that wouldn’t—couldn’thappen with her traumas. So I mentally begged him to stay with me and give our mate what she needed to heal and move forward.
All I had to do was frame it like that to him and he was on board. He was wrapped around all of Aurora’s fingers and willing to give his pelt to her if she was cold.
“I love you,” I whispered as I moved over her. I ran my hand along her thigh. “I promise you it won’t ever hurt as much as today, and one day you will crave this as much as I do you. I swear it, Aurora.”
She blinked back tears. “I want to believe you. I believe you believe it. I just… I want to share everything with you.”
And that was the best I would get. I knew that. It killed me, but I knew that. I kissed her and was more gentle with this woman than I had ever been with any other. The shock onher face made it clear I was bigger than… I was bigger. She’d basically said as much.
I checked probably too much that she wasn’t in pain and I could keep going. It was difficult to stay hard and in the moment while still checking. It started so awkward and almost—it was off.
But then she gasped, and for asecondher eyes glazed over. Even if only for a second before she was hesitant and distant again, there was thatmomentwhere I knew we could have a fulfilling intimate life in the future.
I held onto that moment and showed her as best as I could that sex wasn’t what she’d known.
At least sex withmewould never be scary or horrible to her.
And I think it worked?
I really hoped it worked.
19
Aurora
“So how was it?” Marie asked me after I told her I’d had intercourse with Creed.
I let out a long breath and tried to make myself say the words I’d thought about all morning before my appointment that I’d wanted to say. Marie was incredibly easy to speak with. Over a thousand years old and well-versed in the traumas women from my situation—and others—had suffered.
Because she’d probably suffered them herself, but that was just my guess.
She was an actual doctor with lots of letters. I knew Ellie had tried to get her for ASH, but Marie wanted to be independent and take only the clients she felt she could help and then refer them on for maintenance care later. That wasn’t how ASH helped.
Marie described herself as a trauma doctor, but for the mind and emotions, and I believed her.
“You were all correct that it wasn’t anything like I’d experienced. I’d accepted that,” I answered carefully.
“Good. That’s a very good—”
“But I didn’t like it,” I continued firmly, nodding when she froze. “And I realized I’m actually upset with you and Alexis. Others in my group.”
She couldn’t hide her surprise. “I’m very sorry to hear that, and I will address whatever I have done wrong, Aurora. Please explain, because I don’t understand.”
