I was shocked when Alexis gave me a pained look. One of knowing.
One ofregret. She’d done exactly what I was worried about. She’d hurt someone close to her in her journey to heal.
She blew out a harsh breath when she realized I knew. “We’re not here to talk about me, but one day I clearly still need someone to talk with who would understand.” She gave a dark chuckle and focused out the window. “Many women experience horrors they shouldn’t, but ours are very specific and more monstrous than others.”
“That they are.” I reached over and patted her hand but left it at that. She said she wasn’t ready. “I’m here when you are ready. I feel like I’m stealing Ellie’s friend, but there’s no reason we can’t both be in your life.”
“No, no, there’s not, and honestly you’ve been as much help to me as I have been to you.” She quickly moved on before I could ask what she meant by that. “Therapy and the help you’re receiving is focused on you. All good. Allneeded. I’m going to go against that a bit because I lived what you’re worried about and it set me back horribly.”
More than that. It left deep scars on her. I could see them as much as I could the deep olive of her suit.
Poor woman.
“I’m going to sound like I’m advocating for Creed or on his side. I’m not. I’m giving you the pitfalls, and—most therapists wouldn’t want you to be in a relationship yet. You know this.” She waited until I nodded. “That’s not an option with the way you’re all hearts and glitter for him. So let’s make sure you don’t make the mistakes of my past.”
“Please,” I whispered, hoping she really did have the answers for me.
“But first, you seem to still hold onto certain things like it’s a myth, Aurora,” she said gently. “I orgasm. I get wet. Womenreally,reallydo these things. I enjoy sex. I fuckinglovesex. Love it.Crave it. I am not—nor would I—lying to you about something so important.”
I studied her and everything told me she was being completely honest. I let out a long shaky breath. “Okay, tell me—help me, please, Alexis.”
“I got you,” She promised.
And she did.
She outlined how the next steps would be best for me. It was normal to associate penetration with pain.
So get around that. See the passion and pleasure before taking that step.
Hands on me could trigger me, so maybe it wasn’t the best path for therapy, but the kissing my body was great. It had worked, so go forward with it.
And show Creed I wanted to. He had to be hurt that I didn’t want him the way he did me and all I saw was fear and dread about us being together physically. That damaged a man and especially one with Creed’s past.
Also, clearly the past of the man who Alexis was holding onto.
I listened and took it all in. Adjusting one of the things she said.
“Good,good,” she praised me. “That was what I was going to bring up next. Try and identify what could be a trigger for you. It’s a fucking minefield and I’m not downplaying that. Some you might not ever get over. I still can’t be on all fours during sex for a man. I can’t.” She swallowed loudly and focused back out the window.
“More than understandable,” I told her.
“I know, but it’s been so long and it’s hard not to get upset with myself. I know it’s valid, but I want to be free of it all.”
“Not just you, but you were the one who said to give myself grace, Alexis. Give it to yourself. You are a hero to many of us. So what if you cannot have sex in that position? Any man worth your time should understand that. You just said the same to me.”
I swallowed a gasp when I saw the worry in her eyes.
She was speaking of someone specific… And I would gather it was an issue.
Oh dear.
We talked about what had triggered her after all she’d been through that had caught her off guard. A few things definitely resonated. It was beyond helpful, but then her phone beeped with a notification and she apologized that she had to go for court.
I grabbed her wrist but then let go. “When you’re ready, I’m here to listen to your full story as you have mine, Alexis. You have moved on beautifully and I aspire to be like you, but don’t ever forget what you have survived. You deserve that honor, not to forget it all.”
She took in a slow breath and let it out before meeting my gaze. “You are a much better woman than I ever gave you credit for, Aurora. Thank you. Truly. I will think on what you said, and good luck with conquering your first hurdle. I have faith you can.”
That meant a lot coming from her. It really did.
