“Not really. He is not like that at work. He is rude, hateful, mean. I mean, he is like a different person entirely.”
Carolyn looked confused. “If he is really like that, then why did you invite him over?”
“Because when I first met him and he recruited me, he was so different. I don’t know what it is about business, but he is so ruthless.”
“He is different with you?”
Sarah noted the way her mother sounded, and she didn’t like it, not one bit. Why was she making it like it was easy to see why? Sarah didn’t know why he was different out of work, just that he was. She didn’t think that it had to do with her specifically, more the environment.
“He is different at work.”
Sarah’s mom nodded, like she knew something that Sarah didn’t. Why did she always do that?
“Say what you really want to say. You know that I don’t like these games you play.”
Carolyn sighed. “Well, I just think that you shouldn’t be so closed minded when it comes to him. He isn’t just your boss, and you are what made him change. He likes you a lot. I can sense these things, and I think you like him, too. Just because he is your boss, doesn’t mean that it can’t be something more.”
Sarah worried that her mother had seen them kissing. If not, how could she know how she felt about him? It didn’t seem possible.
“I think you are reading into this wrong, Mom.”
Carolyn said that she knew that she wasn’t wrong. “You aren’t ready yet, Sarah, but men like Harold don’t come around often. Don’t miss out.”
“Wow, you really liked him, huh?”
Carolyn shrugged. “I don’t know. It just feels like fate, doesn’t it?”
Sarah didn’t have a comment for that. She didn’t have anything at all to say. Sarah didn’t believe in fate and destiny. She believed in making her own.
***
“So, what do you think?”
Sarah watched Harold’s reaction to him coming with her over the weekend. Her parents were pushing for them all to go out to their cabin. It wasn’t too far from Seattle and since her mother was feeling better and really pushing it, Sarah hadn’t been able to say no.
“Really?”
“Yeah, um, you know, just to get out for a while, get some fresh air.”
Sarah was stuttering through the words. Her eyes were on his lips and her body remembered the feel of his body pressed up against hers. She wanted that back. She wanted him to do it again. Needed it, even though it was a bad idea. Sarah was pulled in both directions. She wanted her mother to be happy, so she asked, but what if he said yes? Then what?
“That sounds really nice.”
“So, you want to go?”
Sarah didn’t sound so happy about it, and it was noted by Harold. He didn’t bow out though, like she thought he would, like she hoped. Instead, he agreed to go, and she made it through the rest of the instructions, but just barely.
Sarah didn't know exactly what she wanted to happen but being stuck for the weekend with Harold and her parents in their summer cabin didn't sound like the best thing ever. Sarah loved the place; she had spent many summers there. She was just thinking about how it was going to feel with Harold right there. She was already avoiding him at work just because she felt so strange to be around him. Sarah kept replaying the kiss over and over again. Her body trembled when he was closer, even when she just thought about it. That couldn't be something that was easily going to be dealt with over that kind of vacation. Sarah didn't know what she was thinking. It was probably the worst idea ever.
She left to tell her mom that he was going to go. Carolyn was very interested in Harold going, and Sarah thought that she was trying to play matchmaker. Funny thing was, she didn't even need to push them in the right direction. They were doing a fine job of it by themselves.
Sarah tried to tell herself that everything was going to be fine. She could control herself at work, surely, she could control herself when they were away together. The only problem was that it was completely different at work. He stomped around with a frown and yelled at people most of the day. It was really hard to think about sex at that time. Or the kiss. Other times when he yelled, Sarah could feel something inside of her shake and tremble. In a good way. She liked the power that he wielded, and she liked how out of control he seemed sometimes. On the outside he looked like he was completely calm, but on the inside, she could see him churning rapidly.
It was a couple of days before the weekend. Sarah had all that time to worry about what was going to happen next. And that was exactly what she did. She thought about it nonstop. She even tried to get out of it, but Carolyn suggested that she give it a go and see what happened.
“Why do you keep pushing me toward him?”
“I'm not pushing you toward anybody. I just see what you are trying to deny. There’s no sense in lying to me or yourself, Sarah. I didn’t raise you to be so stupid.”
