He swallowed. “Her eyes have been closed for some time now.”
“Thank you, Sidney.”
He had come to expect any number of emotions from Julianna. Gratitude was not one of them, and hearing it now took him by surprise. “For what?”
“For being here to put her to sleep for the night.” A small smile briefly flitted over her lips. “For wanting to be here. Indeed, for wanting to take such a big part in her life. I had not imagined… Well, it is neither here nor there now.”
He stiffened, because her words hurt. How could they not? Furthermore, he knew what she had been about to say. She had not imagined he would want to have any part in his daughter’s life. That was the reason she had never returned to him until she had been forced by circumstance—and mayhap greed, he thought unkindly. That realization still put a bitter taste in his mouth.
“Do you think me a heartless ogre, Julianna?” he asked, careful to keep his tone quiet, to strip his voice of all the tumult within.
He loved this woman, yes. He always had. Always would. But that did not mean he agreed with what she had done. Nor did it mean he did not need to find a way of finding peace with it, with her.
“I…” Her coppery lashes fluttered, hiding her eyes from him. “Of course I do not. It is merely that you are a man more concerned with other matters.”
He raised a brow. “Other matters? Do elaborate, if you please.”
There went his bloody charm. Gone.
“Keep your voice low,” Julianna chastised, frowning at him. “Emily does not always stay settled when I put her down in her crib for the night, and she will wake if you insist upon raising your voice at me.”
She thought he had raised his voice?By God, the woman had no idea. He was being quite calm. Had been ridiculously calm ever since her arrival in his library.
For himself, anyway.
“Forgive me.” He paused, searching for the proper words to convey what he wanted to say next. This was important. He felt as if he were walking across an ice-covered lake and with one wrong step, he would fall through and drown.
Sidney did not want to drown.
Nor did he want to lose this second chance they had been given. He needed to tread with care. Proceed with caution. So much of the woman before him remained a mystery. As mysterious and unfathomable as any ice-laden lake, as it happened.
Julianna nodded. “I am going to put her down now.”
He swallowed another knot of emotion and forced himself to pull his fingers from Emily’s grasp. No small feat, it proved—his daughter had a firm grip, even in her sleep. He extracted a handkerchief from his waistcoat pocket and dried the wetness from his hand as he rose, watching Julianna cross the nursery to the crib.
She laid Emily down, pulled a blanket over her, then gently stroked her head. “Mama loves you so. Sweet dreams.”
There went the blade again, turning. How many nights like this had been denied him? And some because of his own obstinacy, too. But he was going to make amends for his absence.
The nurse, Johnston, arrived as if on cue, with a curtsy and a smile. A testament to her efficacy in her position, he supposed. “Have a good evening, Lord and Lady Shelbourne.”
“Thank you, Johnston,” he and Julianna said simultaneously.
He offered his wife his arm, and then escorted her from the nursery, leaving their daughter beneath the watchful eye of the domestic. They had scarcely crossed over the threshold when Julianna stopped them, turning to face him in the hall.
“Thank you for accompanying me this evening,” she said. “And thank you for joining me at dinner as well.”
He sensed yet another of herbuts, and he did not like it. “But?”
“But I ought to go to sleep.”
Sleep.Ha!It was doubtful he would even find a moment of peace this evening after all that had come to pass.
“Join me in the library.” The invitation fled him instantly, so desperate was he to prolong their time together.
It was pathetic, really, but he did not give a damn.
Tonight was about wooing her.
