“Did my brother know?” Hellie demanded. “If he abandoned you when you were carrying his daughter, I will break his bloody nose.”
“He did not know,” she reassured her fiercely protective friend. “He met Emily for the first time a week ago.”
It was difficult indeed to believe one week had passed since she had confessed the truth to Shelbourne. Since they had come to terms on a marriage settlement. He had presented her with a lengthy contract which she had no choice but to sign. It protected him and Emily, and left precious little for Julianna aside from the promise her daughter would be made legitimate and she would inherit her uncle’s fortune, to do with as she liked.
She already knew where a portion of the funds she did not require to invest in her business would go—directly to the Lady’s Suffrage Society. The rest, she would hold in safekeeping for Emily’s future.
Their living arrangements had been explicitly outlined. Julianna was to remain in England, as were Emily and any future progeny, at Shelbourne’s discretion. The last had given her hope. Shelbourne had proven himself to be the typical lord, and Julianna had no doubt that when the novelty of being a father wore thin—particularly if Julianna were to hasten the efforts—he would change his mind.
Nevertheless, each day that passed in the last week, he had arrived for a morning visit with Emily, and then for an evening visit as well. It both pained and pleased Julianna to discover he was kind and loving toward their daughter, with a seemingly endless well of patience. Still, she was sure he would grow weary of being a husband and father.
“Your daughter is the reason you are marrying,” Hellie said.
“Yes, she is,” Julianna admitted.
“What caused you to keep my niece, my brother’s daughter, from us?”
There was no good answer to that.
Julianna had been a terrified girl with a broken heart. But she had quickly become a strong woman and a mother determined to do the best for her daughter. She had known she could not continue to live a farce. Her uncle’s will had been the impetus she needed to make things right.
“My mother took great care with my reputation,” she explained. “In New York City, I kept the secret until I no longer could, and then Mama sent me away, to Philadelphia, where no one knew me. When I returned, Emily stayed with a nurse for a time. My mother intended to see her placed with another family, but I could not bear it. I begged and pleaded, and finally she was brought to me. I was not able to acknowledge her as my daughter.”
The cutting, horrible hurt of that hit her anew.
Along with a sense of peace that at least if she must sacrifice herself to an unhappy marriage with Shelbourne, she would be free to call herself Emily’s mother. The last two years had been agony in almost every way. But if his plan worked, tongues would wag, yet secrets would no longer need to be kept. She could claim her daughter with pride.
Freedom was within her grasp, though admittedly not in the sense she had initially supposed. She would do anything for her daughter’s sake. It would be enough for now, granting her some time to battle Shelbourne and giving her the opportunity to grow her business as she so desperately needed. And in time, she would find her freedom, one way or another.
“Why did you not send word to Shelbourne?” Hellie queried then, and in her agitation, she upended her teacup, spilling her tea all over her gown and the saucer.
Muttering, she snatched up a napkin and dabbed at the spreading stain on the fabric of her skirts.
Julianna could not help but to feel responsible. For the spilled tea. For everything. “Forgive me, Hellie.Please.I never intended to keep Emily from you. But I was terrified of losing her. She is all I have.”
Her voice quivered on the last words. But she did not care.
Her friend looked up, met her gaze. Compassion softened her countenance. “I understand, in a small way, how you feel.”
Hope lit within her. “You do?”
“I do.” A small smile curved her friend’s lips. “Because I am with child, and I know how strong the urge to protect is, how strong the love.”
Heavens!Her friend was having a baby?
“You are? Hellie, that is wonderful news.” Julianna was happy for Helena—truly, deeply happy. She saw how happy Hellie was with her husband the Earl of Huntingdon. And she had also witnessed the earl’s love for her friend. It was something to behold. And something to admire.
Rare indeed.
“I am, and I wished to tell you in a different manner.” Her friend paused, looking and sounding flustered. “But never mind me. What I do not understand is why you would not seek Shelbourne in all this time, never tellmethe truth. We are like sisters, Julianna. At least, I thought we were. And yet, two years? Forgive me, but I cannot fathom why you would wait so long. Why you would keep this secret when you were hurting so many?”
Had she hurt Shelbourne? Julianna hardly thought so.
Still, she knew the stinging rush of shame for her actions. The last two years had been fraught with difficulties, and she did not pretend she had weathered them with grace. She had made mistakes. Wrong choices. Each one had led her here.
Back tohim, curse Shelbourne’s handsome hide. But that was temporary.
“Your brother was well-contented to live his life in my absence,” she defended. “Indeed, he was content to live it before then as well.” That was another story, one in which she refused to indulge. “That is neither here nor there. I wanted—needed—you to know the truth. You have a niece and she is beautiful and stubborn and she looks very much like her father. If you cannot forgive me for what I have done, I understand. But I want you to know her. You will be the best auntie she could ever ask for.”
