“I am certain the wall coverings are irreparably stained,” Julianna acknowledged, grateful for the sudden turn toward lightness in their conversation, for the change in subject. “I cannot say I am sorry, not having been enamored of the yellow damask.”
“No one likes that dreadful, putrid yellow,” Hellie reassured her, grinning. “Replace it with my blessing whether or not the grease stains can be removed.”
For the first time that day, Julianna laughed. “You are a good friend, Hellie, and a good sister, too.”
Her friend gave her an arch look. “I am your sister in truth now, dearest, and don’t you forget it.”
“As if I could.” Her smile was tremulous and Julianna knew it. There was so much uncertainty in her, more than ever, and yet, she could not deny the way she felt. Nor could she deny what she wanted.
Shelbourne.
Always, always Shelbourne.
But love was not easy. If it were, everyone would have it. No indeed, love was rare and difficult, painful and bitter and messy and upsetting and terrible and above all else worth it. Worth the risk. Worth the pain.
“I meant what I said earlier, Julianna,” Hellie persisted. “If my brother hurts you, I shall blacken his eye. However, I do not think he will. I know him. I know he loves you. And I know you. I know you love him also. This is your chance to start again, to be free of the past, to move forward, to love each other. Take it, dearest sister. Take it, and own it.”
Julianna stared at her friend, the gravity of the moment rolling down upon her. Here was the true crossroads facing her. Did she open her heart to the man she loved and risk having her world torn down around her again? Or did she harden her heart against him forever? And if she did the latter, how would that affect their daughter?
“I know not what to think, Hellie,” she admitted, feeling suddenly weary.
Drained of tears, depleted of emotion. Confused and tired and wary, all at once. But also, mayhap, just the slightest bit hopeful as well. Because if Shelbourne did love her, and heavens knew she had always loved him, then there could be a chance for them after all. If they could move on from the pain of their tangled past…
“Believe me, dear friend,” Hellie said. “There was a time when I could not possibly fathom ever finding happiness with Huntingdon. When true contentment seemed forever out of reach. But gradually, bit by bit, like the bird building her nest, we found each other. We found the love that had been there, all along, and we are happier than I ever imagined possible now.”
Hellie’s burgeoning belly, just barely visible beneath the clever draping of her gown, was evidence of their marital bliss. Julianna had to swallow against a fresh rush of tears.
She wanted to believe in a future for herself and Shelbourne. Wanted, too, to believe in the possibility of their own contentment and—mayhap, hopefully, one day—love. But she was terrified. So very terrified of the opposite.
They had been torn apart once before. It could happen again.
“I can see the skepticism on your face,” her friend said. “But promise me this, Julianna, that you will give yourself and Shelbourne the chance you both deserve. And Emily too.”
Julianna nodded. “I promise I will be open to the chance.”
“Excellent.” Hellie beamed. “Time for tea! And some biscuits. I am ridiculously hungry.”
She smiled back at her friend. “Perfectly expected in your condition.”
Her friend rose and rang the bell pull before turning back to her. “Julianna?”
“Yes, Hellie?”
“I am so very pleased you have married my brother.”
“I am too,” she admitted, giving her friend a tremulous smile. “At least, I think I am.”
* * *
The morning’stribulations had brought a sharp sense of clarity to Sidney.
After Julianna had left Cagney House without informing him of where she intended to go or when she might return, he spent some time with Emily in the nursery. She delighted him by cuddling close to him, as if she sensed his inner tumult. They had stacked blocks together, and she had knocked down his every tower with an infectious peal of giggles each time. There was something so precious about a child’s innocence. He loved his daughter more than he had ever imagined possible.
He was going to fight to give Emily everything she deserved.
A mama and a papa who loved each other as much as they loved her.
After leaving Emily in the capable hands of Johnston, he had gone directly to see his solicitor. The funds from Julianna’s uncle had been deposited in an account that was hers alone. Separate from Sidney’s, and hers to do with as she wished. Next, he had driven to the offices of Mr. Elijah Decker.
