“Marry me,” he said at last into the silence. “I was wrong to lie to you, Johanna, and for that I am sorry. You can hold on to your anger for as long as you need. But please, say you will become my duchess.”
“How can you want to marry me?” she asked softly. “We have been ensnared in deceptions ever since the moment we first met. We do not know each other as we truly are.”
“Then we will get to know each other,” Felix offered. “We will begin again. We will start over.”
She looked up at him, meeting his gaze in the low light. There was such sadness in her eyes it brought a new physical ache to his chest. He wanted to kiss away the sadness, to chase away her doubts.
“How can we, Felix? We have done nothing but lie to each other, and I have only brought you danger and hurt.” She paused, cupping his jaw tenderly. “Verity was almost killed because of me, and when I think what could have happened to you tonight…”
“You are not to blame for the actions of Drummond McKenna,” he told her, interrupting.
He could not bear to utter the phraseyour brotherafter what he had just witnessed. Johanna could not be more different from that man, and Felix could scarcely believe they shared blood.
“I am to blame for bringing you so close to danger,” she argued, tears glittering in her eyes. “I am the reason you stepped down from the Home Office.”
“You are the woman who stole my heart when I least expected it,” he returned tenderly, unable to keep from worshiping her with his gaze. She was so lovely, so beloved. “You are the reason Verity and I found laughter again. You are the light that was missing from my life.”
“Do you not see, Felix? You cannot marry me. I had a child out of wedlock. I am an actress, and I cannot hide that. My face and name are far too well-known. I am scandalous.” The tears were on her cheeks now, trailing down her silken skin.
He wanted to follow them with his lips. To kiss them until there was no trace left of her sadness. To swallow it whole, take away her every pain. “If you are scandalous, my love, then I shall simply be a scandalous duke. And to the devil with anyone who turns up their noses at us. We will face them all together.”
“Felix,” she whispered.
He kissed her lips gently. Slowly. “I love you, Johanna.”
“How can you love me after everything that has happened?” She shook her head, a sob tearing from deep within her.
She was torn, he could see, but he felt as if her tides were shifting. Just a few more nudges, and she would relent.
“Our circumstances dictated who we were, what we could reveal to each other. I propose starting fresh.” He paused and kissed the tip of her nose before continuing. “As Miranda says,How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world that has such people in’t!Let us create a brave new world together. Let us write our own story, free from all the chains that once bound us.”
“Oh, Felix.” Her heart was in her eyes, though she had not spoken the words yet.
He thought they were there.
He believed they were waiting to be uttered.
Because he could feel the strength of the emotion emanating between them. Theirs was a connection that was extraordinary. It surpassed everything else. Not even the dividing lines between them mattered.
“Tell me you will be mine,” he urged. “Tell me you will, because I almost lost you tonight, and I cannot bear to lose you ever again.”
“I love you,” she said. “I love you so much, Felix, and there is nothing I want more than to be yours.”
At last.
He was kissing her before she could say another word. The first three were all he needed to hear. His lips moved over hers with all the love in his heart, showing her the depth of the emotion he felt for her. It went beyond the marrow of him, all the way to his soul.
But then he realized she had not yet said the one word—the one specific, equally necessary word—he needed from her lips. He broke the kiss.
“You did not answer my question, darling,” he said. “Will you marry me? Be my duchess and a mother to Verity?”
“I will never take Verity’s mother’s place.” She caressed his jaw. “But it would be my honor to be your wife and to be a mother to your daughter. I love you both, you see, so much my heart hurts.”
“Thank God.” He rested his forehead against hers. “We love you too, Johanna. Every bit as much.”
As the carriage rocked slowly back through the London night, they held tightly to each other. Felix had never felt so much hope for the future.
Johanna had justemerged from a hot, restorative bath when there was a knock at her chamber door. She had cleansed the awfulness of the night from her skin, but she knew cleansing it from her mind would not be nearly as easy. But she had time, and she had Felix and Verity. And she would survive, just as she always had.
