“Of course I have not,” he said in a rush, his fingers tightening on hers. “I have realized how wrong I was. Because the thought of you marrying anyone other than me is… Belle, I-I—”
He extended the sound of the I, seeming to struggle within himself.
She was about to tell him it did not matter, that she loved him enough, and that in time, she hoped his feelings for her would grow, when he shocked her.
“I love you,” he blurted, so quickly she may have missed it had she not been hanging upon his every breath, his every word.
Gill’s expression was pained. His jaw rigid. He was holding her hands in the tightest grip, as if he feared an incremental loosening of his hold on her would somehow make her disappear.
And all she could think wasthank merciful heavens.
“I love you too,” she said, beaming at him, unable to contain her happiness. “I love you so much it hurts. I am sorry it took me some time to puzzle out my emotions, and I am sorry that I allowed my pride to get in the way. When I thought you only wanted the Winter fortune instead of me, it hurt. I reacted foolishly. Selfishly. But when I thought about everything I know about you, about the way I feel for you, I knew I was wrong.”
“You were not wrong.” He shook his head. “You were right. I do not blame you one whit. I was the arse. Can you forgive me?”
“Of course.” She bit her lip, searching his gaze. “You were not the arse at all, Gill, You were…”
“The arse,” he said again, offering her a wry grin that somehow only made him more handsome. More beloved.
“Do you still wish to marry me?” she asked, knowing she was taking a risk and doing so anyway.
“Bloody hell, woman, do you need to ask?” He lowered his head, pressing his forehead to hers, their entwined fingers trapped between their bodies. “There is nothing I want more than you at my side for the rest of my life, as my duchess. Not because of the blasted Winter fortune. But because of you, Belle. I love you. You changed me. Cut the bonds of my past and set me free.”
His past.
It was the first time he had mentioned it.
But she had wondered, many times, what could have happened to him. What had turned him into the man he had become.
“I love you too, my darling man,” she told him, releasing his hands to frame his beloved face. The prickle of his golden whiskers on her skin was a beautiful abrasion. She could not help but to wonder how it would feel rasping on her breasts. Or lower still…
“About my past, Belle,” he began hesitantly, seeming to struggle in his search for the words.
Just like that, Christabella felt as if she were back to the day their paths had crossed in the salon. That first day. She had spoken for him. And he had not minded. Rather, her daring had entertained him, if vexed him.
“Your past is what makes you the man you are today,” she told him then. “And the man you are is the man I fell in love with. That is all I need to know.”
His eyes slid closed. “My father told me I was worthless. He was disappointed in me. I was the heir, and yet, I could not conduct myself as he expected I should. I was shy and quiet as a lad. He told me he would make me stronger by one means or another. And he tried. With a crop, with his fists. Sometimes, he would lock me in a windowless chamber for days. My mother, God save her soul, did not care what he did with me. She was far too busy with her own lovers. Lord knows what happened to Ash whilst he was in her care…”
Tears welled in her eyes. Pain sliced through her for the young man he must have been, for the pain and suffering he had endured at the hands of his own father. Her father, too, had been cruel. But he had been mostly absent. Any violence he had attempted to visit upon them had been swiftly canceled by Dev, who was old enough and large enough to be their protector.
But Gill was the eldest.
He had borne the brunt of his father’s cruelty.
Andoh, how her heart ached for him.
“My darling,” she said, pressing her lips to his for a chaste kiss that was branded by the salty wetness of her own tears. “I am so very sorry.”
His eyes opened, searing into hers. “I am not sorry. He did not change me, you see. I am as I have always been. Crowded ballrooms make me want to retch into the nearest potted palm, and I suspect they always will. Speaking in front of a gathering makes my heart pound and my skin feel as if it is too tight for my body. I am abysmal as a duke. I have so many people relying upon me, and yet I am most comfortable laboring amongst my tenants. Physical duty puts me at ease. As do you.”
She was glad she put him at ease. Her thumbs swept over the proud architecture of his cheekbones. “I am so pleased I put you at ease, my darling. And I promise now and forevermore that as your duchess, if you want to retch into a potted palm, I shall stand before you and obstruct you from view. If you need to speak in front of a gathering, I will gladly do it for you. I also know you are a good duke, a wise duke, a fair duke. I know that because I knowyou, and I would be proud to be your wife and stand at your side.”
He exhaled slowly. “I do not know what I did to become so fortunate.”
“Nor do I,” she returned, smiling into his eyes. “But I will gladly accept all the spoils of my fortune, so long as it involves becoming your duchess.”
“I love you,” he said, reverence making his voice tremble.
