Because hedidlove Miss Christabella Winter. She owned his heart. His heart was capable of feeling. He had just been too deuced stupid to see it. But he was going to change that now, if it was the last thing he did.
“Carry on without me,” he told Ash, turning his mount around to head back in the direction they had just come from.
“Do not forget to grovel,” called his brother after him.
But Gill was riding too hard back to Christabella to answer.
Christabella was waitingfor Gill in his chamber. Making her way there had been no easy feat. Ever since Pru and Lord Ashley had been caught alone together in dishabille by one of the servants, Dev had extra staff prowling the halls. Lady Emilia was keeping a watchful eye upon all the Winter sisters as well.
Dev had held a private family meeting late yesterday evening, and he had been stern.
No more improprieties. Not even with their betrotheds. There was to be no sneaking about, no meeting alone, no stolen kisses.
In short, nothing fun.
But when Christabella had suggested as much, her brother’s expression had turned thunderous. Though she and her sisters had quietly snickered at her sally, Dev had unsmilingly gone into yet another lecture. Her lack of foresight had earned her the rather sharp elbow of her sister, Grace, in her side.
And so it was not without great risk or the very real danger of inciting her brother’s wrath that she had found her way back to Gill’s chamber this morning. She knew from Pru that he and Lord Ashley had a habit of riding each morning. She knew when he left, when to expect his return.
She was prepared. She had been pacing the floor, practicing her speech for the last half hour. Christabella was not going to leave without making him listen to her. She had decided she must fight for them, even if he would not.
By her estimate, she had another half hour to prepare herself before—
The door to his chamber flew open, and he strode over the threshold, his high cheekbones still painted red from the chill outside. He was so caught up in his own thoughts he did not even see her at first. He came striding in, throwing the door closed behind him.
It was now, she told herself, or never.
“Gill,” she said.
He jolted, as if jarred from slumber, his gaze flying to where she stood. “Christabella?”
“I need to speak with you,” they both said in unison.
Then they stared at each other for a heavy, silent beat.
“Before you say anything, please listen,” she began, only to stop when she realized they were once again speaking at the same time.
“I want to apologize,” he was also saying, before pausing.
She longed to run to him. To end this silly distance between them. To throw her arms around him and feel his embrace surrounding her, inhale his familiar scent, absorb the steady beat of his heart.
“I want to apologize to you as well,” she told him, remaining where she was, too uncertain of herself to move for the moment. “I am sorry, Gill, for not accepting your proposal of marriage when I had the chance. I was wrong.”
“You were not wrong to refuse me,” he countered, surprising her then by moving forward of his own volition. “I am no Lothario, as you well know. But I wish to God I had tried harder to tell you how much you mean to me. How much you have changed every part of me.”
She took his hands in hers. They were cool from his time spent in the elements, but thankfully bare and devoid of gloves. She laced her fingers through his just the same. “I do not want or need a Lothario. All I want, and all I need, and all I love is you.”
The confession left her feeling freer. Lighter. Also frightened.
Gill was staring at her, wordless.
Perhaps she had frightened him away. Perhaps whatever it was that rendered it so difficult for him to speak in social gatherings had returned.
Or perhaps he did not love her.
After all, he had only told her previously that he liked her.
She vowed not to let that sway her from her course. “I came here to tell you that I do not want to marry anyone else. You are the only man for me. The only man I wish to wed. It must be you, or no one else. Unless you will not have me, of course. If you have changed your mind, I understand…”
