Good heavens. They were alone. “You certainly are,” sheagreed. “Now cease carrying me about and put me down.”
As suddenly as he’d snatched her up, he crouched down. Herfeet met with the carpeted floor of Nell’s study. At last. Heaving a breath,she stood and attempted to shake her dress back into order. Her silk washopelessly crumpled. Her hands trembled as she righted the fall of her skirts.She was afraid to look up at him, afraid that doing so would ruin her defenses.
She still loved him. That much had not changed, even if hewould never love her in return. She still ached at the way he’d left her, withno word, no warning, not even a change of heart. Not a single letter.
“There you are, on your feet again.” His voice was harshwith an indefinable emotion. “Why the devil won’t you look at me?”
She clenched her fingers. “You’re thundering at me.”
“Bloody hell,” he all but yelled, quite proving her point.“I’m doing no such thing.”
Ever arrogant, ever Simon. Bracing herself, she gazed up athim at last. “I won’t be hollered at, Sandhurst.”
“Cease calling me by my title, will you?” He frowned down ather, ferocious in his pique. “I won’t have you acting as if we’re strangers.”
“But we are strangers,” she countered, allowing her gaze torun over his face, at once hauntingly familiar and yet also different. He hadnot eaten well in his absence. His cheeks were nearly sunken, his powerfulframe reduced to a wiriness he hadn’t before possessed. His hair was longerthan ever, his whiskers in desperate need of trimming. He looked, for himself,awful. But yet still so very handsome. Still so very beloved. “I am sure Inever knew you at all, my lord.”
His eyes burned into hers, unrelenting. “Have you forgottenjust how well you know me?”
His question stirred a month-long-buried ache within her.She didn’t want to think about making love with him, for it would reduce her toa puddle of weakness. She couldn’t be weak before him now. He had left her,hurt her. She would not forgive so hastily. If ever she could.
She raised her chin, a small show of defiance. “There areother ways of knowing a man. Those are the ways I speak of, and I certainlynever knew you as I’d thought I did.”
“I daresay the same could be said for you, madam,” hereturned, his tone as cold as Wenham Lake ice. “I’ve scarcely been gone, andalready you’re cavorting with poets and rakes.”
She gasped at his effrontery. “Cavorting? How dare you?”
“What else would you call it, my dear?” He caught her elbowand dragged her against his body in a punishing grip. “I need to knowsomething. Is Tobin bedding you?”
His crudeness took her by surprise. She had dreamt of Simonreturning to her, but she had not dreamt of this cruel stranger with the tauntsand the dead eyes. He had come back to her as the same man he’d been in hisstudy that awful night, someone almost frightening to her.
“Of course not,” she denied. “How could you suggest such ahorrid thing?”
“I’m a man, darling. I know the ways of the world. Why wouldyou come to Nell’s if you weren’t seeking a man for your bed once I’d gone?”
The “darling” he’d used for her sounded empty, a mere husk.If she had been hurt before, she was devastated now, crushed by his accusationsand his desire to see the worst in her. “I am not Lady Billingsley,” she toldhim fiercely. “Nell has told me everything, you know.” It had been a smallcomfort, learning that the paragon who had taken Simon away from her was, infact, a mere mortal after all. A deceptive, manipulative mortal who had doneher best to ruin that which was not hers. “I would not betray what we shared.”
“I’m more than aware that you’re nothing like Eleanor.” Hisstare remained hard upon her, his touch hot even through the layers of her gownand undergarments. “You speak as if our marriage is at an end. We areinextricably bound to one another, Maggie.”
She shook her head, sadness threatening to crush her heart.“We are wed, yes. But there’s no reason why we cannot continue to live separatelives just as we’ve done throughout most of our union.”
When she would have extricated herself from his touch, heheld fast. “To hell with living separate lives. I forbid it.”
She had a notion to knock him over the head with a heavyobject. His superciliousness knew no bounds. Had he truly believed she wouldfling herself into his arms when he had treated her as if she were no moresignificant to him than a piece of furniture? “You can’t simply return afterdisappearing for an entire month and expect me to act as if you’ve never beengone.”
“I didn’t disappear.” His brows snapped together, making himappear even more grim than he had before. “I took some time to get my bloodyhead back into working order.”
Did he not realize how agonizingly long the month had beenduring which she’d had no word, no hope he’d ever come back to her? Shesearched his gaze, trying to understand him. “You left me without word.”
“I needed to, Maggie. After what happened the night ofEleanor’s death, I didn’t trust myself not to hurt you.” The admission appearedto be difficult for him to make. His expression was pained, his voice tingedwith something like regret.
But her ice would not melt so easily. “Why could you nothave at least left me a letter? Some sort of explanation as to where you’dgone? When or if you’d return? I feared the worst.”
“I wasn’t thinking properly. Everything was a jumble in mymind, but the last thing I ever wanted was to do you harm. I had to leave asquickly as possible. I didn’t trust myself, not after what had happened withEleanor and not after I practically threw you to the floor in my study.”
“I could have helped you,” she said, giving voice to thethought that had been a constant, painful reminder during his absence. “Youpushed me away when all I wanted was to lessen your suffering.”
His grip tightened upon her. “You would have thrown yourselfbeneath an oncoming carriage for me. I saw it in your eyes that night, and Icouldn’t bear it. I had already hurt Eleanor, and I couldn’t bear to hurt youtoo.”
