Had he truly been motivated by fear that he would do herharm? It would explain his abrupt departure, certainly. She wanted to believehim. He looked suddenly forlorn, the fierceness of his anger drained from him,replaced by a vulnerability he’d never before exhibited.
“Your leaving hurt me more than anything else could havedone,” she told him quietly, taking pity on him but not enough to relent.
“I’m sorry.”
The simple statement shocked her. The Marquis of Sandhurst,the man who had once lived with his mistress in flagrant disregard for theirmarriage, stood before her, thin and sad, utterly humbled. She never would havethought she’d see the day. Oh, he had apologized to her before, but only fortrifling matters, and it had never been so complete, so earnest. In a sense,she was vindicated. In another sense, it was still far too little from him,given far too late.
When she didn’t respond, he continued. “I’m sorry I beganour marriage as I did. I’m sorry for every hurt I ever inflicted upon you. AndI’m sorry as hell that I left you in the manner I did. I have nothing to sayfor myself, Maggie. I don’t blame you if you can’t find it in your heart toforgive me. I’ve done wrong by you, and I know it.”
His admission startled her as much as his apology had. Shelonged to show him a sign of tenderness, to cup his bristled cheek, to draw hismouth down to hers. But she could not. Her heart wouldn’t allow her to trusthim. Another blow would be too much.
“I’m afraid your apology, while appreciated, is too tardy tobe of consequence,” she forced herself to say, feeling numb.
“Goddamn it, Maggie, what would you have me do?” hedemanded, reverting to the stern stranger who had strode through the doors ofNell’s drawing room not long before.
“Return to your life just as I shall return to mine,” shesaid, even though it was truly the last thing she wanted. It had become amatter of what she must do instead. The choice was a heavy one.
“No.” His lips compressed into a firm line. “I don’t want myold life. I want a life with you. I want what we were beginning to have, damnit.”
So had she. Once. Now she couldn’t trust herself with him.She struggled to remove herself from his grip and succeeded this time. Aftertaking a step in retreat, she hugged herself protectively. “If you require meto live with you, I will have no choice but to acquiesce. However, I’m afraidthat our month as lovers is all we shall ever have.”
“If I require you?” He clenched his jaw. “What the devil doyou think I am, some sort of tyrant?”
She stared at him, wishing it were easier, that they couldturn back the clock and avoid all the misery between them. Wishing she did nothave to remain so steadfast in her determination not to allow him back into herlife in any way that truly mattered.
“I suppose I should be glad you didn’t answer,” he saidgrimly. “Christ, I won’t force you into anything you don’t wish. You ought toknow that much.”
“Very well,” she said firmly. “Then I want to remain herewith Lady Needham for the time being.”
“With that reprobate Tobin slobbering all over you like ahorny dog? I think not,” he scoffed.
“Sandhurst,” she protested, growing frustrated.
“Damn it to hell, call me by my given name,” he bit out. “Ifyou want me to fight for you, I shall. But at the very least you can cease yourpretense of unfamiliarity.”
He wanted to fight for her? A foolish spark of hope ignitedin her breast. She forced herself to snuff it out. “You’ve proven to me thatit’s not a pretense.”
He raised a brow, his eyes hot upon her. “Need I remind you,my dear?”
There it was again, a glimpse of the polished gentlemanshe’d once come to know still hiding beneath his rough exterior. How she wishednone of the awfulness had ever happened. If only Lady Billingsley were stillalive and well, if only Maggie had never left that day, if only Simon had notfollowed her, if only they had found love immediately instead of a year toolate. The possibilities were innumerable for how they might have never reachedthis current, desperate crossroads.
But they had.
“I don’t require reminding,” she told him stoically.
“I think perhaps you do,” he returned, closing the distancebetween them in two strides.
He reached for her, his hands clamping on her waist thistime, drawing her body flush against his. She couldn’t fight her response. Shehad missed him, his touch, his kiss, his glittering green eyes, everythingabout him. Even his arrogance and his bluster. Despite her misgivings, she slidher arms around his lean waist, splaying her palms on his back. He feltdifferent now than he had before, harder, stronger. Her gaze never left his.
With a surprising show of gentleness, he caressed her cheek.She could almost believe that he cared for her. Emotion flickered dark anddemanding in his eyes. Perhaps he had missed her as she had missed him. Perhapshe too had suffered in his self-imposed exile.
“My God, Maggie,” he half whispered, half groaned.
Before she could manage further thought, he lowered his lipsto hers. She kissed him back because she had to, couldn’t not, and as much asshe knew she shouldn’t allow him to breach her defenses, she reveled in thefeeling of his mouth on hers. She hugged him to her, her breasts smashedagainst his chest, wishing she could wrap herself around him, cling to himalways. Wishing there wasn’t so much melancholy hiding beneath the simmeringdesire between them.
His tongue swept inside her mouth, toying with hers, tastingand claiming as she longed for him to do. Her resistance was fast unraveling, agreat ball of yarn tossed down a mountainside. He sank his fingers into her hair,undoing her lady’s maid’s elaborate pinning of earlier in the day. She didn’tgive a damn. They kissed again and again, neither one of them particularlycaring for taking a breath. She remembered. She remembered everything, everyglorious moment of being in his bed, in his arms.
Her breasts tightened, her suddenly aching cunny going wet.She wanted him still. Wanted him more than she wanted to write another poem ortake another dance in the rain. Wanted him more than anything, even after allthat had transpired between them. Dear heavens. She had to stop the madnessbefore she lost her head and her heart both.
