‘No.’ I balled my hands into fists. ‘I’m not going to calm down. I don’t want to be calm. Don’t tell me what to do.’
‘This is incredible,’ Aster whispered.
I whirled on him. ‘No. I don’t want to hear about your sex life.’
His mouth fell open. ‘What?’
‘I’ve told you so many times that I don’t want to hear details of your sex life. No more. No.’
Aster’s face paled behind his numerous freckles. ‘I didn’t realise you don’t actually want to hear about it. I thought it was like when you said you’d rather not when I suggested dressing up in your mum’s heels or always sharing half your Jaffa Cakes with me until the end of time.’
‘No. Yes. No.’ I shook my head. ‘Yes, it is like those times because, no, I didn’t want to do those things either.’
‘Oh, shit.’ Aster’s eyes swam with tears. ‘I’m a terrible best friend.’
I pointed at him across the table. ‘No. You’re the bestest friend I could ever wish for. But you don’t always get things right. And that’s okay, because I love you anyway.’
‘Love you too, bud,’ Aster whispered, tucking his head into Callum’s shoulder.
‘Did no one like my cakes?’ Joshua muttered while I caught my breath.
‘No,’ I exploded. ‘They were awful. You’re an incredible cook of roast dinners and, I assume, a brilliant brewer of whisky, but you are a terrible baker. Leave it to someone else.’
Joshua’s brown cheeks bunched with a smile. ‘Cob’s back soon. I wanted to surprise him with cakes I’d baked, but his will always be infinitely better.’
Someone coughed on the other side of the table. I turned on them, to find a wide eyed Errol.
‘We haven’t talked much. I’m not sure you have anything to shout at me about.’ He tugged his bright red beanie down over his shorn black hair. ‘Being a vet sounds gross.’
I reeled back, only to bump into the table when I righted myself. I ignored the salt shaker that fell over and jabbed my finger in his direction.
‘No. You’re wrong.’ I grimaced. ‘Well, actually, quite a lot of it is gross. But.’ I rallied, puffing out my chest. ‘It’s also the best job ever. Way better than bobbing across the sea.’
‘Agree to disagree.’ He slung his arm across his wife’s shoulder.
‘You.’ I adjusted my finger to point it at her. ‘No. I’m actually not an arsehole or a worthless shit, thank you very much.’
It looked like Errol’s arm might be the only thing keeping Louisa in her chair. I swung around to point at Callum before she could snap at me. ‘And no, your offer is kind but I don’t want to live in the mountains ever again.’
Finally, I rounded on Kit. My hand fell to my side like it was filled with lead. His cheeks were pink, his eyes shining.
‘No,’ I said much more quietly than I had to any of the people surrounding us. They dropped out of existence as I struggled for the right words to get him to hear me. ‘I don’t want to be your friend and I don’t want to move out of the cottage.’
Kit’s chest heaved. I wished there wasn’t a table between us.
‘I want more with you, Kit. I don’t ever want to be apart from you.’ My eyes flicked to the sides. Everyone else in the room was insignificant compared to Kit, but they were actually still there even if my brain screamed to focus on Kit and Kit alone. I reached a hand over the table. ‘Do you want to continue this conversation outside?’
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
KIT
Neither Lucas’s gaze nor his hand wavered as he waited for me to answer.
War waged inside of me between a hopeless romantic and a burned pragmatist. I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to allow anyone to hurt me again. My plan had been to strictly avoid all situations with the potential for heartbreak.
The romantic side of me, the side that longed to be loved and cherished no matter how much experience spoke to that never being a possibility, wanted to leap across the table and into Lucas’s arms.
There was no middle ground. I either protected myself or laid my heart bare.
