It never had before. Lucas was kind and good in a way that no one I’d ever been with before had been, but I knew I was a lot. It seemed unlikely that just because I’d finally had sex with someone I would call a friend that they wouldn’t decide, like all the others had, that being with me was harder work than it was worth.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
LUCAS
Ihonestly tried really hard to act like a normal person and not a sex crazed lunatic as Kit and I showered together then dressed together then cooked together. It was freaking difficult when all I wanted to do was lick across his skin and touch him everywhere and tear off his soft jumper and scarf and pyjama bottoms.
I resolved to only act on one in five of my urges. That brought them down to a reasonable level. While I wanted to lick the shell of Kit’s ear and nuzzle my nose into his hair and rub my hands across his back and kiss him a thousand times, I contented myself with snuggling into his back as he stirred a huge pan of pasta and another of tomato sauce at the hob. At least he’d decided to cook an easy meal. I didn’t think I could have restrained myself if he’d decided to make a lasagne from scratch.
He nudged me out of the way to retrieve cheese from the fridge, but didn’t seem too put out when I plastered myself to his back once again as he raked it across a grater. I pressed my forehead into the soft folds of his scarf and told myself I needed food far more than I needed contact with Kit’s body.
It didn’t feel like nutritional sustenance was more important than brushing my nose across every inch of his exposed skin.
He’d dressed in a soft pair of pyjama bottoms and one of his thick jumpers after our joint shower. He hadn’t seemed too annoyed that I’d followed him into his room, dripping onto the carpet while he dressed himself. I’d already endured far too much separation when he made me exit the shower minutes before him, left to stare mournfully at the curtain until he whipped it back.
He’d shot me a wide eyed look as he opened the chest at the end of his bed. Hundreds of scarves were rolled into neat rows inside.
I’d walked over and selected a grey one with flitting navy swallows. ‘You look wonderful in this one.’
I didn’t want Kit to feel like just because he’d taken off his scarf around me once, that he then couldn’t put one on again. Or that he ever had to take one off with me in the future. He’d been so brave to do it for our joint shower. I couldn’t deny that it was wonderful to have absolutely nothing between his skin and mine, but if he never wanted to do it again I’d be happy.
God, I’d be happy. I couldn’t imagine being happier than I was in this moment. I’d always felt like there was something missing. Aster was my best friend, so I’d obviously had an education about all the different flavours of sexuality when he went down a research wormhole, so I knew asexuality was a thing. It just never felt like a label that fit for me. I might not have felt attracted to anyone before Kit, but it was something that I’d wanted, something I’d yearned for. Deep inside, I’d known I was capable of romantic attachment. I’d just not seemed to tap into the right combination of whatever was needed to activate it.
Kit. He was what was needed. His smiles and soft words and easy blush and long hugs and solid presence. I wanted to be close to him always.
I couldn’t hold in a groan when he nudged me out of the way once more, only to bend and grab bowls from a lower cupboard. His butt was separated from my dick by a few thin layers of clothing.
Before I could grab hold of his hips or move forwards, he straightened. I could only see the side of his face, but his cheek was dusted with pink. I didn’t know if he knew what he was doing by bending like that or if it had occurred to him once he’d done it, but I was glad I wasn’t the only one who was affected.
‘Go sit,’ he commanded, spooning a mountain of pasta into two bowls.
Reluctant as I was to leave him, I consoled myself that he would only be out of reach for a short while. One of the advantages of being a newbie wolf was that even if Kit was across a room, I could close my eyes and pretend he was right beside me. Under the tang of cooking tomatoes and the warm starchy pasta was his smell.
Easy notes of citrus from the soap we’d shared in the shower mixed with his natural soothing vanilla. Spice threaded through it all, despite our cursory wash.
I wondered if that had been present before, if I’d missed it because my human nose had been unable to pick it up. I wondered how much sooner I would have realised my own attraction if there had been undeniable evidence of Kit’s right in front of me. The weeks we’d spent as friends were probably the highlight of my life so I couldn’t regret them, but I loved that there was even more we could do together now. Things that showed a deeper level of who Kit was, which melded us together in such a primal way.
I groaned for a reason other than because everything Kit did seemed to speak directly to my dick now when he placed a generous serving of pasta topped with steaming tomato sauce and melting cheese in front of me.
Kit grinned as he sat down at the small table, his legs instantly tangling with mine. ‘I’m glad this meets with your approval after weeks of being spoilt by Callum’s cooking in the mountains.’
I quickly chewed and swallowed my first giant mouthful. ‘Callum’s cooking is good, but I way prefer yours.’
Another pink tinge brightened Kit’s cheeks. ‘What made him decide you were ready to come home?’
I told him about the final jaunt Callum and I had taken across the mountains, how I’d used my new wolfy skills to find him hiding under the goat hut. All the while, I had to supress the urge to hurl myself across the table and snuggle into Kit’s arms.
Home. He’d called his cottage home. That was obviously how he would think about it, but it kind of felt like he was saying that was what it should be to me too.
It felt that way. I’d enjoyed weeks of Aster’s company in the mountains, but there was something different about returning here. This cottage was my place, with the person I liked the most in the universe. This was my safe harbour, where I could hide from the rest of the world in the circle of Kit’s arms.
His scent twinged with sadness again as he told me more about the award shortlist and Hamish’s abrupt departure. Since shovelling pasta into my mouth only required a fork, I slid my other hand across the table and threaded our fingers together.
‘If I ever get nominated again, I’ll try harder.’ Kit’s jaw jutted, and I wanted to bite into the smooth skin.
‘You tried bloody hard this time,’ I looked down at my almost empty bowl so that I wouldn’t be too tempted to sink my teeth into anything more exciting than cheesy pasta. ‘Maybe there’sstuff you can learn for next time or whatever, but don’t tell yourself you didn’t try just because you didn’t quite manage to do whatever the judges were looking for.’
Kit nodded, one cheek fattened by an impressive mouthful of pasta. It made him look like an incredibly pretty, lopsided hamster.
