‘I’m honoured to talk shit with you.’
‘It’s time,’ Errol said.
My heart stuttered. I turned to look at him. His face was inscrutable, only the softness of his voice betraying he cared about my feelings.
I grabbed my suitcase and backpack. ‘Right. I’m leaving then. Have said my goodbyes. Getting on the boat. That’s the plan.’
I couldn’t help it. I looked at the mountain road.
Nothing.
Trying not to look utterly crushed, I swallowed and walked across the narrow plank to the boat. Errol took my bags and stashed them in a waterproof cupboard underneath the boat’s big steering wheel.
‘Ready?’ he asked, tugging the gangplank onto the boat.
I clenched my fists, hoping he would attribute any extra moisture in my eyes to the fresh sea breeze battering us. ‘Yup. Totally ready.’
He didn’t comment on how high and weird my voice was. Instead, he did whatever boat things he needed to do to ferry me across to the mainland. It was just me and him making this journey. I didn’t know how well I was going to hold it together when Doughnut dipped out of sight, but I suspected it wouldn’t be pretty. No one else needed to witness that.
‘Aster?’ Errol said my name quietly. ‘Come here.’
One hand on the wheel, he used the other to tuck me into his side. Apparently, I didn’t have to wait until the island disappeared to fall apart. I snuggled under Errol’s shoulder and my tears soaked into his thick fleece.
We faced away from the island, so I couldn’t torture myself by watching it grow slowly smaller. I snuffled into Errol’s side, and wasn’t even distracted as dolphins danced and flipped in the sparkling water.
‘I have to look back.’ I extracted myself from Errol’s tight embrace after several quiet minutes of sniffling.
As always, his face was unreadable. He didn’t stop me stumbling to the back of the boat.
Doughnut was already so far away. I could cover it with my hand. Blinking back more tears, my eyes raked over the high peaks and multicoloured cottages.
The group on the jetty had dispersed, but one person remained. I gasped when I realised who it was.
‘Aster? Are you alright? Hold on to the railing.’
I did as Captain Errol commanded, despite the desperate thrumming of my heart having nothing to do with the boat dipping and swaying atop the gentle waves.
‘Callum’s there.’
Even though wind whistled around us, I heard Errol’s sigh. ‘Of course he is.’
We were too far away to discern the expression on Callum’s face. He was wearing his favourite jumper, the green one that brought out the golden flecks in his eyes. There was no one else quite like Callum on the island, no one like him in the world. It had to be him. I would recognise those stupidly broad shoulders anywhere.
A weird mix of emotions swirled through me as I stared at him. He’d come, but had left it too late. There would be noactual goodbye. We could awkwardly wave, but he’d left it late enough that I wouldn’t be able to say anything to him.
Maybe to save himself awkwardness, since he didn’t feel anything for me. But—and this might have been the desperation talking—maybe he’d come down to the village when there was no chance to stop me leaving because if he came too close, he would hold on and never let go.
‘Is there any way you can tune out what I’m about to say?’ I asked Errol. ‘I know Callum won’t be able to hear me, but I have some things to tell him.’
‘I don’t need to tune you out.’ Errol adjusted the wheel. ‘I’ll just ignore you.’
‘Thank you. So kind. I shall always come to you when I need a boost.’ I stuck my tongue out at him and turned back to Callum. Who was even smaller. If I wanted to say something vaguely to his face, I needed to do it now.
‘Hey, Cal.’ I tried for a smile that felt more like a grimace. ‘I have things to say to you and I know you can’t hear me even with your wolfy powers, but if you could stand there until I’m done that would do me a real solid.’
I swallowed, desperately ordering the mass of words tangled inside my head. ‘I’m mad at you? Like, in aI’m totally in love with you and can’t believe you’re pushing me awaykind of way. Oh yeah. Because if you haven’t worked it out already: I love you. Yup. It’s declaration time.’
I took a deep breath, staring at Callum’s lonely form on the distant jetty. I needed to say stuff and it needed to not be a jumble. This needed to make sense, even if I was only saying it to myself.
