‘Yeah. I’m mad at you. Because the more I think about it, the more I think Bonnie might be right. I know that goes against the essential laws of nature, but it’s true. She’sadamant you love me too and that you’re being self-sacrificing, because heaven forbid you should have something you want rather than doing what you think is the right thing.’
I gripped the rail and wished Callum could see me clearly so that he would be blasted by the full force of my glare. ‘But I have to tell you: sending me away isn’t the right thing to do. I know you only heard the first job offer, but the second one was genuinely better. There’s the whole not-having-to-leave-the-man-I-love thing, but I would basically do all the stuff the first job offered while also being in nature. I’d walk around most days and look at flowers, and if you don’t know by now that this is all I want to do with my time—besides humping or being humped by you—then you really don’t know me at all.’
I took a deep breath. ‘The bottom line is: I don’t want to leave Doughnut. I want to take the job here. Not because of you, but because it is a fucking amazing job. So if you’re pushing me away because you think I would only stay because I love you, then you need to pull your gorgeous head out of your equally gorgeous arse. I want the job, and I want to be with you. I want both. And I’m not afraid to say it.’
Callum was tiny now. No way he could hear any of this, but it felt good to say it anyway.
‘I wish you loved me like I love you.’ My voice cracked. ‘I guess I’ll never know now if you do. You’re the fourth on my list of romantic mistakes.’
That thought was painful. I bobbed away from the man I loved, and all I could do was say things at the wind to give myself any kind of closure.
‘I really fucking love you, Callum Armstrong,’ I shouted. I didn’t care whether Errol was ignoring me. He could deal with it. ‘I love everything about you. I love your smiles thatmake you so ridiculously hot and simultaneously ridiculously kind. I love how much you care about the island and your family, even when you can’t express it. I love your cooking, and I love watching TV with you, and I’ve loved being with you. As in sex. Nakedness. I love that too.’
Tears streamed down my face and my throat hurt, but I kept going. ‘I even love whatever you’re doing now, if Bonnie’s right. I love that you care so much that you would hurt yourself to do what you think is right for me. I’ve never met someone who thinks so little of themselves compared to others. I love that, for a while, you let me take care of you.’
I had to squint to make him out, but I was desperate to say everything I needed to before I blinked and he disappeared. ‘Do you remember what I said about changing your mind? It’s never too late, Cal. Not with this. I love you too much. It’s part of me now. There will never be a last minute, no moment too late. Call me when I get to the mainland, and I’ll jump back on this boat and come to you. Leave it a year, and I’ll ditch whatever I have going on and be with you as soon as I can.’
Tears made it hard to see anything now. I rubbed them away furiously, unsure if the dot on the jetty was Callum or a speck of dirt in my eye.
‘I love you, Callum. I will always love you.’ I blew out an unsteady breath. ‘There is never going to be a moment that’s too late for you to change your mind. Ever.’
My heartfelt declaration over, I fell to the floor of the boat when Errol spun the wheel.
CHAPTER FORTY
CALLUM
Ileft coming down to the village until Aster was far enough away that even if I threw myself off the jetty and swam with all my might, I would never catch up with Errol’s boat. After spending the night with the scent of Aster’s roses perfuming my restless dreams, my resolve was low.
I didn’t care any more that Aster had said goodbye. I didn’t care that he had a perfect job waiting for him. I didn’t care that his life would be fuller and brighter away from here.
I just wanted him to stay.
Even in the midst of my roaring need, I recognised my selfishness. I’d made a decision before my mind was overtaken by ravenous desperation and I would stick with it. Reason would return at some point. I’d know I’d done the right thing.
But then I stood on the jetty, Aster so far away that the lashing sea stole away any hint of his scent, and he told me I wasn’t doing the right thing.
I felt bad that Errol let Aster believe I wouldn’t be able tohear him, but that didn’t stop me from listening to every word. And his every word blew apart the carefully reasoned arguments I’d made to justify pushing him away.
Aster wanted the job here. He wanted to stay on the island. He was only leaving because I’d pushed him away.
And he loved me. He loved me.He loved me.
Imbuing my voice with all the command a born wolf and second of an Alpha could manage, I shouted, ‘Turn the boat around.’
‘Fuck,’ Aster cried out when he fell sideways. My claws pricked my palms as I waited to see if he was alright. ‘A little warning might have been nice.’
‘Sorry, Aster.’ Errol’s apology was gruff. He’d have words with me over commanding him. ‘Just remembered I forgot something.’
In the distance—but growing closer—Aster rubbed his hip as he stood next to Errol. ‘Something super important? Like, essential enough that you’re going to make me face the werewolf I love and cause a whole embarrassing incident for me?’
I turned and walked up the jetty, closing my eyes to zone in on Aster’s heartbeat. My whole being protested putting even a millimetre more distance between us.
‘Fuck. Fucking fuck.’ Aster slapped something. ‘That arsehole’s walking away? He’s got the chance to actually say goodbye, and he’s running off like a stupid scaredy-wolf?’
The boat had chugged much closer by the time I turned back to the sea. I stood in the middle of the street, the island stretching behind me.
‘He better wait there,’ Aster grumbled. ‘I don’t care that this will be bone-crunchingly cringey. I need a goodbye.’
