I watch them go, my stomach fluttering with unease. I can’t shake the feeling that Cullen is suddenly going to declare he can’t stay any longer. Would he leave today, without giving his feelings time to settle? Survivor’s guilt and PTSD are complicated conditions that don’t tend to involve rational thought. I hope he comes to talk to me first and doesn’t just disappear without saying goodbye. At least having Max with him means he won’t just abandon him and run out the door.
Pushing aside my misgivings, I go into the clinic. It’s surprisingly busy considering it’s only open for emergencies, with two vets on duty this morning, and several people already in the waiting room.
I find myself one of the blue tunics that the veterinary nurses wear, and within ten minutes I’m helping Stefan with a poodle who ate a whole box of truffles a few hours ago, as we try to make him vomit up the chocolate, which is so poisonous to dogs.
A bit later, after the dog has been returned to its owner, Stefan and I go into the Hotel to check on the animals recovering from operations. There are only a couple today who were emergencies, and we bring out a cat who was hit by a car to take out her stitches.
“Um… I wondered if I could ask you something?” I say hesitantly. I’ve been planning this for a few days, but I hadn’t gotten around to speaking to Stefan alone.
“Sure.” The guy’s, like, six-four and huge. He has hands like dinner plates, but they’re surprisingly deft as he removes the stitches.
“I’ve been thinking about staying in Sunrise Bay, and I was wondering whether there would be a permanent position at the Ark available.”
His eyebrows rise. “Oh…” He frowns for a moment. “Well, we’ve just taken on two nurses. I wasn’t really looking for more staff right now. But if you’d like to go on the list for providing cover, you could do that. With such a large staff, people are always off sick or on vacation, and that often leads to a permanent position. And you’re the most organized nurse here, so I’d definitely like to keep you.”
“Okay, thank you.” I turn away to clean the dirty equipment. It’s a good offer, but it’s not what I was hoping for. If I were to move up here, I’d need to pay rent until I sorted out the divorce and the sale of our house. And I’m not sure I’d be able to afford it on a part-time wage, with no guarantee of a full-time job.
My mood sinks after that, weighed down no doubt by the thought of it being the anniversary of Jack’s passing, too. Around eleven, Stefan tells me to go and get a coffee, so I head off to the break room. One of the women there is working today, and she’s made some gorgeous cheese and ham pastries, and I take one with a cup of coffee out to the back garden. It’s raining lightly, but there’s a covered area, and I take a seat at a table looking out at the view across to the Pacific.
I want to stay. The thought blooms like a daisy in the middle of a concrete city. But I can’t if I don’t have a job. The guys at the Ark might be rich, but they can’t start handing out positions to every person who passes through.
I’ll have to see if something else is available in Sunrise Bay, or maybe in Paihia. My heart sinks at the thought of going back to waitressing or cleaning. Not because I’m too proud to do it, but I love my job, and the thought of leaving it makes me sad.
What are the alternatives, though? Go back to Auckland? At least I’d have a job, even if it wasn’t my favorite place to work, but I’d still have to pay rent, and prices are so much more expensive there.
Maybe I should go back to the house and live there, but still file for separation. I’ve heard it can be done, as long as you have different bedrooms, separate bank accounts, and act like roommates. But I don’t want to stay in the house with Rob. Even if I could deal with him, I don’t want him within a hundred yards of Max.You have a duty to protect Max from injury.I literallycan’tgo back.
The door opens, and Cullen and Max come out. Cullen’s bought Max a pastry and a banana, which is sweet of him, although he only appears to have got himself a coffee. They join me at the table.
“How are you doing?” he asks as he lowers onto the bench opposite me.
“Okay.” I smile, even though I feel flat. “How did your morning go?”
“We fed all the dogs and played with them in the yard,” Max states with a mouth full of pastry. “And then I taught a fluffy dog called Brian how to sit.”
“Brian?” I chuckle. “It’s rather a strange name for a dog.”
“It was written on the tag around his neck,” Cullen reveals.
“Hal rescued him from a house in Paihia,” Max says. “He’d been beaten and he had a broken leg.”
“Oh no.” I frown. “How awful.”
Max studies his pastry. “Why do people hurt animals?”
“I don’t know,” Cullen says. “I think some people get frustrated or angry and take it out on their pets. They forget that animals can feel pain.”
“You shouldn’t hit animals, though.”
“No.”
“Or people,” Max adds.
I glance at Cullen. He’s looking at Max.
“No,” he says firmly. “Never. Everyone gets angry and frustrated. But when you do, you have to learn to walk away. It’s never okay to take it out on someone else.”
My eyes fill with tears, and I have to blink hastily to stop them falling. Wow, that came out of nowhere. I suppose today was always going to be an emotional day, and what with my thoughts on staying, it’s no surprise that I’m easily moved.
