*
We cuddle up on the sofa and watch another movie, and then I tell her it’s time I went home. I call Ghost from Max’sroom, and Isla comes outside with us and gives me a hug on the deck.
“Thank you for such an amazing day,” she says. “I didn’t think I was going to enjoy it at all, but you’ve made it a great day for Max, and I appreciate that.”
“And you’ve helped me, too. And Ghost.” I look down as she bends to pet the dog, and he lets her stroke his ears, then gives her face a lick. “You’ve both been amazing for him.”
“I’m so glad we’ve been able to help.” She pushes up, then gives me a final kiss. “So, 8:15 a.m. tomorrow?”
“Yep.” We’re both helping out at the Ark on Boxing Day, to try and help the day go more quickly.
“I’ll see you then.” She waves goodbye and goes back inside, closing and locking the door.
Ghost and I head up the road toward the B&B. It’s dark now, but the village isn’t yet asleep. There are parties going on with music playing, and the smell of cooked food from barbecues drifts across the beach. Most houses have people sitting outside, chatting with a beer or glass of wine, and everyone nods and says, “Merry Christmas!” as we walk past.
I’ve fallen in love with you.Her words are like having a sip of whisky, warming me all the way through. I should have said,Me too. Because I know I’ve fallen for her. Of course I have. She’s all I think about. She lights me up like a firecracker whenever I see her. I adore her and Max, and I don’t want to lose them.
But my guilt is like a heavy stone inside me, weighing me down, and I’m afraid of how I’m going to feel. I just need to wait one more day. Then I can decide whether it’s time to move on, or whether I’m going to stay.
Chapter Fourteen
Isla
As Max and I walk up the road to meet Cullen the next morning, I look out at the bay, noting the gathering clouds and the way the wind is whipping the water into white-topped waves. The weather matches my mood. I had such a nice day yesterday, but I feel a little foolish for declaring I’m in love with Cullen. He was very nice about it, but after he’d gone home, I sat on my own with another glass of wine and have to admit I got rather drunk as I tried to drown my embarrassment.
I lift my chin and inhale the salty sea air, hoping it’ll help clear a slight hangover. Today is a new day, and I’m not going to be embarrassed when I see him. It wasn’t an admission I should be ashamed of. I like the guy, and I know he likes me. I understand completely that he needs to get today over with, because I feel the same. Jack’s memory hangs over us the same as the clouds, and the anniversary is like a rough sea we have to swim through, with memories waiting like a riptide to pull us down.
Mum rang earlier this morning, and we shared a few tears as we wished each other a good day and promised to message each other and keep our spirits up. For us it’s just feeling Jack’s loss and coping with the knowledge that we’re never going to see him again. But Cullen also has to deal with his guilt surrounding his partner’s death, and I’m not sure whether that’s going to be an insurmountable barrier.
I can see him already, waiting with Ghost at the bottom of the hill. My heart leaps at the sight of him. I am in love with him. I love his quiet manner, his dry humor, and I know it sounds stupid, but after dealing with Rob, I adore the way Cullen speaks to me so respectfully. I can’t imagine him ever calling me names,or being cruel the way Rob has been. And I certainly can’t picture him ever being violent to me or Max.
But then I didn’t picture Rob being violent, or I wouldn’t have married him. I can’t paint Cullen in my head as a perfect guy because I’m so desperate to find a man who isn’t like my husband.
“Morning,” I say, giving him a hesitant smile as we walk up.
“Morning.” His voice is quiet, but his eyes are gentle and kind. He opens his arms, and I walk into them, and we exchange a big hug. “How are you doing?” he murmurs, moving back and cupping my face.
“I’m okay. You?”
He looks into my eyes for a moment as if to check that I’m not lying, then sighs and lowers his hands. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He looks down at where Max is stroking Ghost. “Are you ready to work hard with me this morning? I’ve got lots for you to do.”
“Yes, sir!” Max stands and salutes him.
Cullen chuckles. “I like your style. Come on then. Let’s get going.”
“Are you sure?” I’m surprised. “I don’t expect you to look after Max. I was going to sit him in the waiting room with his jigsaw.”
“It’s no trouble,” he says. “I like having him around.”
I just smile, but his comment warms me through.
While we walk up the hill, we talk about the Hemsworth place and discuss a few ideas we’ve both had for its layout and decoration. It’s a nice topic, uplifting and positive with the thought of helping others, and it gets us to the Ark without having to have a deep and meaningful conversation.
Once we’re there, he says, “See you at morning tea?”
I nod. “Good luck.”
“You know where I am if you need me,” he says. Then he gestures toward the Forever Home with his head, and Max follows him and Ghost across the Quad.
